Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Quiet

Except for me, the pool was empty this morning. Low 60s. Whispering pines. 50 meters of solitude.

Sometimes it helps to think about small things--form, drills, glide. Thankfully, while I thought of small things, I did not think about "it." For a whole hour.

Stroke . . . stroke . . . beathe . . . stroke . . . stoke . . . breathe

I did not imagine the gunshots. Or the screaming. Again.

Stroke . . . stroke . . . breathe . . . stroke . . . stroke . . . breathe.

I did not think about families with empty places at the table, pictures of children with silent voices.

Stroke . . . stroke . . . breathe . . . stroke . . . stroke . . . breathe.

I did not hear the talking heads--primped and made up, having no information and yet compelled to spew in order to make money--profiting from pain. Dancing in the midst of grief. Shouting in the national funeral home.

Breathe ouuuuuuut, ouuuuuut, iiiiiiiin. ouuuuut, ouuuut, iiiiin.

I was not angry. My chest did not ache.

Stroke . . . stroke . . . breathe . . .

A refuge. For an hour. From noise. From them. From memory. From me.

Stroke . . . stroke . . . breathe . . . . .

4 comments:

Curly Su said...

it's horrible, isn't it. i don't even know how to deal with it; i just try to forget, and then am mad at myself for not having a better method.

it's good to have an escape; triathlon (or whatever else) saves our sanity in that way...

TJ said...

i suppose one way to move beyond tragedy is to just get moving. sounds like you are on your way.

Fe-lady said...

I too find myself not wanting to confront what happened and told a colleague at work yesterday that "No, I DON'T want to visit ABC.com and watch the videos again"-I mean enough is enough. We had to turn off the T.V. when the media whores started interviewing brothers and sisters. I mean, come ON, is nothing sacred? How can they live with themselves?
Thanks for a great post by the way.
Cool pix also.

Nytro said...

you're lucky you had the pool.

i still haven't been able to not hear it.

i need to get to the pool stat. the alcohol just isn't cutting it.