Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen--Place Your Bets Please


We are less than a week from SOMA, and it is time for all readers, commenters and lurkers alike, to come out of the woodwork and take sides in the most epic battle of the sexes in triathlon history. Um . . . . yeah.
Place your bets in support of the racer and the medical charity for which they are racing.
Notwithstanding Nytro's willingness to sink to the level of black magic, voodoo dolls, stabbing me in the neck, and . . . um . . . like working out and stuff, I think I still have it in my carcass to go sub-Nytro for twice the distance she races. I am estimating that if I go under 6 hours, I've got her beaten. That is the bet. Can an injured, 40 year old chiuaua class male who is tapering in Las Vegas finish in less than twice the time of a healthy, athletic, strapping, really really tall, and did I say strapping, big and strong, strapping, enourmous, very very large 29 year old female jock and all-around hawt biker chick? Will she fold under the glare of a triathlon spotlight even more intense than what Michellie Jones and Norman Stadler experienced? Will I be able to complete the swim after Nytro rips my arms off and the 70 year old females starting 3 minutes behind me pummel me into submission like ao many granny dominatrixes (dominatrixi? dominatrixae?) ?
Again, this is for charity (and all in fun). I am racing for the Lone Star Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, and you will know me by the lone star Texas Flag on my racing kit and on my black cycling socks. (Don't Mess with Texas, Baby). This is actually a personal cause for both families involved in this event. Both Benny and I have family members who have the condition--in my family it is Mrs. Greyhound.
I have two Ben Franklins that I will donate to the MS Society if I win, and will likewise donate to Nytro's charity of choice, the MSUD Foundation, if I am unable to beat her after having been attacked by her partisans on the course. (Read more about MSUD here.) If you bet on Nytro and lose (and you will lose), you can pay the bet, in any amount no matter how small, to the MS Foundation here, in support of my MS150 fundraising effort. If you bet on me and I win, I'll make another donation to the MS foundation on behalf of each person who supported my race.
I forgot and left this out in the original post. People who pick the winning side will also receive autographed Greyhound and Nytro Schwag, and if you guess closest to our finishing times you wil receive other, unannounced prizes suitable to a Scientific Wild Ass Guess (SWAG).
Bolder wanted course info, which you can find here. Think flat and fast.
So basically, everyone wins . . . except for Nytro. Getting whipped by a middle aged, injured office worker after once performing on the level of a scholarship athlete? Signs of the appocalypse! Twilight of the Gods!

Friday, October 20, 2006

C-R-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-C-K

In our last episode, of course, Nytro was taking the most widely published, lycra-clad bootay on the internet and sitting it on my dome while she jammed an ice pick into my neck, my right shoulder, oh and my right elbow and then my right forearm.

She's deperate that way--win at all costs--you know the type--older jock trying to recapture the long lost glory days. Anyway, I digress.

Yesterday and today, I went to the greatest intergalactice team of sports therapists and chiros in the known universe for help. The intergalactic chiros work on lots of the pro athletes in town, and even fly out to help their former patients who have gone on to other teams. But this is what sold me. They had a shadowbox on the wall with a patient's Ironman Arizona race number, finisher's medal, finishing photo and finisher's t-shrt on the wall. If an Ironman gives up that kind of bling to his chiro, sign me up.
So apparently I'm completely out of balance, bound up inside myself, and more tightly wound than a superconducting supercollider. Type A lawyer? Summa Cum Laude Law Nerd? Whodathunkit? It was the first ever time I have ever had "work done," and it was pretty strenuous. I was drenched in sweat, completely flushed, and wrung out. I had all sorts of freaky tensions and knots and imbalances from 40 years of extreme nerdiness and 5 years of middle aged endurance sport. But I gotta say . . .
I.FEEL.BETTER.
In fact, I don't believe how much better I feel. I'm not 100%, but I think I can deal. I am going back Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to get as fixed as I can get before I have to leave town. And the good news is that my x-rays show nothing that puts me on the sideline for Ironman Wisconsin--which makes even Nytro seem a bit insignificant--if that is possible.
So, Nytro . . . .
IT.
IS.
SOOOOOOOOOO . . . . . . . . . .
ON!
Live in fear, sistah.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

"Say Hello To My Little Friend"


Nytro is a pain in the neck. I know some of you might have chosen a different part of the anatomy, but my neck hurts and I blame Nytro.
Why blame Nytro, a rapidly aging champion? Because why should I take the blame for potential overtraining? She made me work this hard.
I am reluctant to complain with so many real ironmen getting ready to to the line. Even so, whether it is too much swimming, too much heavy lifting, a bad bike fit, or too much being 40, my neck feels like it has a pinched nerve that radiates pain around my shoulder blade into my right shoulder. It caused me to abort my swim workout last night for fear that I was tearing up my shoulder. It caused me to abort a moderate brick this morning after only 1 mile on the bike. Basically, when I put my weight on my elbows in the aero position, it felt as if all of Nytro's 169 Poundaroos (pardon me, I mean 167 poundaroos) were sitting on my bike helmet while she stabbed me in the neck and shoulder with an ice pick.
So, I went to THE BEST GYM ON THE PLANET, and found my little friend, the foam roller. I listened to podcasts to try and block out the pain, put the roller under my neck and shoulder blades and rolled until the pain was tolerable. Ice, rest, yaddah yaddah yaddah.
Question: is it bad form when using the foam roller to fail to stifle sounds roughly equivalent to Meg Ryan in the deli scene from When Harry Met Sally? Just wondering.
* * * Begin False Bravado* * *
But don't get cocky, o thou lycra clad daughter of the west. The hay is already in the barn, and notwithstanding my diminutive stature--in comparison to my competition for example--I have a really really big . . . er . . . barn. It's not the amount of dog in the fight, it's the amount of fight in the dog. I will have my satisfaction if I must swim 1.2 miles of one arm drills, bike upright on an Xterra reject, and chase you down in a potato sack.
I
AM
YOUR
NEMESIS
* * * End False Bravado* * *
Have a really really super day.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

First In, Last Out--Mrs. Greyhound Style

I rarely do two posts in a day, but this incident was totally blogworthy.

So, I was completely going to skive off my steady swim workout tonight. I was completely ragged out, fell asleep as soon as a sat down, and did not think I had it in me. Not exactly "first in, last out" kind of stuff.

But Mrs. Greyhound breaks out with, "you know, I didn't do what I had planned for this evening so you could swim."

There has got to be a word stronger than "guilt" for when the iron widow shoos you out of the house to complete your training, but I don't know what it is.
Off to the pool. Did not find any kind of rhythm until 1200 meters and only swam the last 400 to 500 with any kind of intensity, but still managed less than 2:00 per 100 yards.
Maybe I'm not setting my sights high enough, but given where I started, if I complete an Ironman swim in less than 2:00 per 100 yards, I'm declaring myself swim champ of the universe.
That is all.

Celebrity Ride: DUDE, I AM FREAKING OUT

My bloggy friends from the midwest might not want to read any further. I've read the posts from Trimama, Iron Wil and Trasaratops about snow before Halloween. We Houstonians, in contrast, just had the best cycling Saturday in six months. I used the weather to go on a blogger celebrity ride with Ironman Royalty.
The subtitle of this post is taken from my Texas homie, MisheleK, whose blog bears the name, "Dude, I Am Freaking Out." Like me, Mishele is a member of the greatest tri club on the planet. Unlike me, Mishele is Ironman Royalty. She has finished the Great Floridian long course event, Ironman Arizona and Ironman Wisconsin. I have yet to start in iron distance event. If you like Nytro and a. maria (a/k/a Little Miss Runner Pants), you will also enjoy reading Mishele. Check her out and leave her some comment love.
Mishele is one of those amazing, young 20 somethings, like Cara, Elizabeth, Curly Su, A. Maria, et al. who are taking to endurance sport and blogging about it. Nytro does not make this list only because she is getting much older, long in the tooth, and hopefully very slow. Not to get all old and fatherly, but it is fascinating and encouraging for a father of a daughter, like me, to see young and powerful women who take on challenges and accomplish great things for themselves. I see qualities in all these little sisters that I hope for my own daughter to have as a young adult. Typical of the sisterhood, as well, Mishele does not give herself near enough credit for what she's done, what she has overcome, and who she is as a result. Las hermanitas de hierro (the little iron sisters) are top drawer.
OK, enough mush. Our day was the perfect match of weather, terrain, and company. It was cool and overcast when the sun came up, with a freshening breeze that was never stiff enough to qualify as a headwind, but just strong enough to cool us off. We went to my hills in Montgomery County and rode probably longer than Mishele had planned on. I always gave her the choice of route, but she is an Ironman, after all. She would never choose the short way home even if her legs fell off and she was bleeding from her ears. We saw cows, a smattering of roadies and triathletes, beautiful meadows, and the first hints of fall color.
The only sour note was Mishele's refusal to declare who will hold her allegience in the wager of all wagers. SOMA: Greyhound v. Nytro. Even after knowing me in real life, she refused to unreservedly join Team Greyhound. She is an every day favorite reader of Nytro's blog, and chick loyalty is apparently some mystic bond that the y chromosome crowd just cannot comprehend. Am I going to need to hire security to guard my transition area from Chick Ninjas of Team Estrogen?
Fortunately, nobody lost any limbs and no blood was spilled. But we did make 70 miles through the rolling hills and pine forests followed by a little transition run. The Iron Sister found her post-race legs and we picked each others' brains and experience. She is applying to law school and wants to enter my profession, while I want to toe the iron distance line that she has already crossed three times. We both helped each other out . . . at least she helped me quite a bit. She can speak for herself about whether I had anything to bring to the table. To me, that is one of the coolest things about the endurance sport community. People who, under other circumstances, might never have even met because of differences in age or gender or experience share the cameraderie of a long bike, encourage each other, and broaden the horizon of their friendships.
Post ride O'Doul's from the cooler for perfect recovery and a good stretch. It was a very very good day.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Wet Dog

I haven't posted about training lately because there are so many of my friends on the cusp of their Ironman tapers that my own tale of woe pretty unimpressive. I am sure that Kahuna, Trimama, Commodore, Triboomer, Bolder and the crew make me look like I'm skiving off my duties. Nevertheless, I am SPENT.
Yeah, this is me. No longer fleeling like a superhero. That was last week, recovery week. Now I'm a wet dog. Smell and all, I'm told. This is the peak week before the Date with Destiny, the Clash of the Titans, the bloggy version of the "Challenge of the Sexes," yes, I am speaking of SOMA: Nytro v. Greyhound. Mano a Mano . . . no disrespect intended to my non-manly opponent.
Training is still "recess," as I like to say, but right now it is a recess that goes on and on and on like the Energizer Bunny with an amphetemine problem until you start clock-watching for the bell and pining for Social Studies. The long stuff is really long, but now the fast stuff is also really fast, often twice a day. In between, wakefulness and lucid thought are intermittent.
It was kind of funny the other night. My second workout of the day was an evening swim at the Woodlands Athletic Center while swim team practice was going on. At such times, there is only one lane open for adult lap swim, and the rest are filled with 0% body fat 8 year old water bugs ripping through their workout. I was doing my version of fast 100 meter repeats, huffing and puffing at the wall after each one. The little water urchins were kind of looking at me like, "what's wrong with that guy? Do we need to call an ambulance?"
Brain: I've got albums older than you, kid.
Kid Brain: What's an album?
If the weather holds, tonight it is Coach T at the track--run fast until medical intervention is necessary. Miki and his wife, the Olympian, will be there too. If the rain comes, it is treadmill intervals until the thing squirts me off the back. Tomorrow, masters swim and Miki's house of pain. Saturday, long ride and runoff. Sunday, long run and long swim.
**yawn**

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Citius, Altius, Fortius

The last time I posted, I made the bold claim that I am a “better person” than I was because of my increasing fitness. I begged you, the reader, not to jump to conclusions about what I meant, because I don’t think that skinny, fit people are necessarily “better” than average, sedentary people. I personally believe I am under a moral imperative to be a good steward of the physical body I have been given, whatever its merits or limitations. At the same time, there are plenty of fit, skinny people who are vain and self-absorbed, making them morally stunted as compared to an obese person who is devoted to serving others.
So what did I mean by fitness making me a “better person?” On this post particularly, I speak only for myself. I was never a football player, a basketball player, or a baseball player. Let’s face it, the middle school and high school economy does not hold pep rallies for the band and the National Honor Society. For someone who was already inclined to be an introvert, the lack of athletic affirmation tended to increase an inward focus, and color it negative. Discovering endurance sport has given me physical confidence and made me comfortable in my own skin.
By gaining some physical or athletic confidence, there is a very real sense in which I am now more able to love my neighbor as I love myself. I am citius, altius and fortius; but the adaptations brought on by my training are more than physical, and I would have it no other way.
Citius: I am swifter and faster to connect with the people around me. I want to be swift to smile, laugh, encourage, cheer, help, and rejoice.
Altius: I am higher in my aspirations for myself and for others. I want to be less concerned with I, mine and me, and more inclined to boost my friends to aim high and achieve.
Fortius: I am stronger in bearing the risk of holding out a hand to someone new. I want to be stronger to bear one another’s burdens, stronger to go the extra mile.
I guess that’s a long way of saying I’m happier.
Grandma Greyhound called yesterday while I was out training. When she found out from Mrs. Greyhound that I was doing a brick workout (again) and that I was signed up for Ironman Wisconsin, she told Mrs. Greyhound she needed to put her foot down on all this crazy stuff.
Mrs. Greyhound doesn’t want to. Not in a million years.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Miki y Ja: The Birthday Present

This blog has managed to accomplish what was hitherto thought impossible. Nytro has been rendered speechless. My professionally trained uber-smack-talking spherical chicken rant has been online for a week, and still the promised rejoinder is not.
She's got nuthin. (Actually, I've been waiting in the fetal position for a week for Nytro's other size 14 shoe to drop, and am somewhat thankful that she and Iron Benny have been so busy.)
But, I digress.
If I could take a photograph of my self-image leaving the gym this morning, it would have looked exactly like the Ironman superhero pictured here. All that is missing is a leeeeeetle tiny picture of a certain Athena warrior, far in the background, having been buffeted by the mighty Greyhound's slipstrem.
I came out of the locker room after my testing session with Miki, and he hands me some papers.
**Begin understated slavic accent here**
"So, . . . . today . . . . I haf your birthday present. **grin pause** Verrrrry goot jop."
The papers compared my test results from the beginning of August with my test results from today, only hours away from my 40th birthday. Sorry Nytro. I am cituis, altius and fortius than I was before.
Weight Before: 146.4 lbs. Weight After: 144.2 lbs. (Two pounds lighter)
Waist Before: 33.5" Waist After: 32" (1.5 inches off the waist)
Hips Before: 37 " Hips After: 35" (2 inches off the hips)
Bicep Flex Before: 11.5" After: 11.75" (.25 inches more in the bicep)
Calf Before: 14" After: 14.5" (.5 inches more in the calf)
Shoulders Before: 41.5" After42.5" (1 inch more in the shoulders)
Body Fat Percentage Before: 9.6% After: 9.09% (Even lower body fat percentage)
Bike V02 Before: 46.5 (97th percentile) After: 53.6 (99th percentile)
Max Pushups Before: 50 (93rd percentile) After: 65 (99th percentile)
Max Leg Press Before: 260 lbs (178% of body weight/ 60th Percentile) After: 320 lbs. (222% of body weight/ 99th Percentile) 60 MORE POUNDAROOS!
Max Bench Press Before: 145 lbs (100% of body weight/60th Percentile) After: 160 (111% of body weight/91st Percentile) 15 MORE POUNDAROOS!
And the changes in appearance. You won't believe it. Click here to see, but be forewarned, it involves full, frontal, male nudity.
Seriously, Miki and my gym/triathlon friends have given me a HUGE birthday present. At the age of 40, this is the first time in my life that my physical tests are scoring anywhere near the same percentiles that I could always manage on an academic test. That makes me a better person----BUT NOT for the reasons you might think. (More on this to come later. Don't jump to conclusions and leave bitter comments.)
But back to reality. All these scores in the 99th percentile of my age group probably only place me in the bottom third of iron distance triathletes.
AND I'm being chased by an angry Athena with a knife. *yelp*

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Shrug

I officially turn 40 later this week, and it's weird. Mrs. Greyhound and her "family of origin" make a big deal out of birthdays. Mine, not so much. There were so many in the extended family near by that we saved up birthdays, and mine usually got lumped together with a cousin, my dad, and a grandma.
So Mrs. Greyhound is completely nonplussed and frusrated when she asks me what I want or what I want to do, and all she gets is the shrug. This, after 17 years of marriage and 19 birthdays in which she has gotten basically the same reaction.
At this point in my life I have a lot of "things." I don't need any more "things" and if I see some shiny "thing" that I just can't live without, it tends to get bought. I've bought enough things to predict that they only excite for awhile anyway.
There are some non-material "things" that I would like; the problem, however, is that they are harder to come by than the shiny stuff. It's not the kind of stuff you can request for a birthday present. But I really, really want them.

I want to discover triathlon when I'm 25. I want the friendships I have at 40, only 15 years earlier.
I want to do my 30s over again, with just a little confidence this time.
I want my wife to be healthy enough to swim, bike and run with me.
I want to laugh more often, to love more recklessly, and live like there is no tomorrow.
I want to be known for random acts of kindness, not as the smart, quiet guy.
I want to do and enjoy this sport until I run out of age groups, and die in an endorphinated sleep after my last finish line beer.

I want a 45 degree evening where the air is dry, the mountains are still, and all of my friends are gathered around an outdoor fireplace after an epic training ride, laughing and sharing stories. Our group includes not only my close friends like Maria Gratia, Ubergreyhound, Coach T, Scuba Steve, but also the bloggers I have met in real life like Kahuna, Iron Wil, Stu, Trisaratops, Bolder, Trimama, Taconite Boy, Mishele . . . . It even includes the close friends I have never met, like Triboomer, Brett, A.J., Nytro, Iron Benny, . . . . Besides our laughter, all you can hear is the wind in the pines, and the Blue River gurgling down the valley. None of us has to leave, none has to go back to work, none wants to . . .

Well, it's what I want. **shrug**

Friday, September 29, 2006

A Spherical, Frictionless Chicken

So, based upon Nytro's shot across my bow, I am apparently supposed to concede two things: (1) well, how exactly do I say this without being unseemly about an ironman's wife . . . let's just say . . . lycra is flattering to her assets, and (2) I have chutzpah . . . or as she put it, "great big hot wasabi balls."
Both will I graciously concede. My big, hot huevos are usually not the subject of polite commentary, but whatever. Nytro tends to redefine everything, including polite commentary, and I concede their weighty profundity. As for any commentary about how va va voom the former Athena is becoming, that would be tacky. So I will not wax eloquent, as it would be so obviously easy to do, about the shapely Nytro's lycra clad . . . um . . . **cough**, . . . .
What were we talking about?
Anyway, I thought I would look at the physics of this SOMA experiment. Brett of the Zentri Army recently noted the joke about physicists. You begin any experiment in physics completely divorced from reality: "Assume a spherical, frictionless chicken." Let's apply the logic to SOMA, shall we?
If Nytro were a spherical, frictionless chicken, at 169 poundaroos and clad in her fetching lycra, she would need over 31 million foot/pounds of force to propel her the 185,328 feet in her half of a half that she is racing. To be precise, she would need 31,320,432 foot pounds of force.
If Greyhound were a spherical, frictionless chicken, at 143 extremely taut and ripped poundaroos and clad in his team kit, Greyhound will need over 53 million foot/pounds of foce to propel me the sly dog the 370,656 feet in SOMA half--the longest event offered on the day. To be precise, Greyhound needs 53,003,808 foot/pounds at his disposal.
This is where it gets interesting. With friction as a constant, I only need to use 84% of the power that Nytro uses to maintain the same velocity. As svelt as Nytro is at 169 poundaroos and at 9 feet tall, I am only 84% of her 169 poundaroos and approximately half her height apparently.
If I add friction into the chicken equation, I would have to start comparing swimming efficiency in a medium that is denser than air, and talking about aerodynamics on the bike and stide efficiencies on the run as a function of weight. It might devolve into comparing body shapes and name calling, which of course would be unseemly, even in a "salad dressing."
But . . . . . it comes down to the run. Ah, there's the rub. That is a matter of heart in addition to the percentage of VO2 max or lactate threshold required to get to the run. Even putting out 84% of the power, will the mighty Greyhound run like the mighty Greyhound after mile 60 of the race? Or instead, will he get his neck wrung like a middle-aged, spherical, fritionless chicken?
Cluck.
Cluck.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Smells LIke Athena Spirit


"You smell that smell--that charcoal smell? That's Athena.

"I LOVE the smell of Athena in the morning. . . . . Smells like . . . VICTORY!"

It is SO on. SOMA is so SO ON!!

For any newcomers to the blog, my friend Nytro and I have a thingy. We are both racing SOMA and she thinks she can hang with me--my poor old 40 year old self. Nytro is like all "Miss Podium Finisher." She's all svelt and taut at 169 Poundaroos. But let's face it. She's hasn't raced against a chiuaua class triathlete like me before. Her competition typically blots out the sun or changes weather patterns. The chiuaua class racer slices through the water, defies the wind, and springs off the bike like a pistol shot. And she can't beat me by having some Iron ringer hubby swim and bike for her like some Xterra relay. She has to do the whole thing herself.
And you can't use that scooter either, Nytro. Internal combustion engines are against USAT rules.

So yeah, I had a good brick in the park this morning. At 0445 the temps were (finally) down in the 60s, and I ripped around the picnic loop for two hours worth of two mile intervals. The Ipod was blaring Siegfried's Death and Funeral March (right before Brunhilde casts herself on the funeral pire) and Ride of the Valkeries when I started to smell that smell.

Roasting Athena. VICTORY.

After two hours of hammering, I sprang off the bike and ripped off a 5k at about 8 minute pace and felt like I could have gone on forever. Athenas and Cruiser class dudes were falling into the ditches after being pelted by the mighty greyhound's slipstream. We are the Cowboys from hell.

Ahem.

Welcome to the jungle, Nytro. We got fun and games. Fun and games indeed. One hour of powerlifting with Miki, and I'm not done. I'm off to the pool tonight. Yes, that's right. 4.5 hours of training in one day.

And I feel good.

Wait--you mean it's not going to be 60 degrees on the run in Tempe?

And she's only going half as far as I am? I have to maintain the same pace over a half-iron as she does for the quarter?

Oh, snap. Never mind.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Whiskey and Chocolates

Last night, it broke. The Houstonian death grip of heat and humidity broke, hopefully for good. The radar last night showed a line of thunderstorms stringing from the northwest tip of San Antonio to Lufkin. From dusk until the storms arrived at 9 p.m., you could see the lightning over the pines. The flashes of power told the story. Off in the darkness somewhere was the line between Houston summer suffering and autumn. The summer resisted. Waiting for the front to arrive, just standing there on the front porch, clammy sweat rolled down my spine and beaded on my forehead. I hate this place sometimes.
This morning, we were on the other side of the line. Instead of fetid, the air was fresh. Instead of wind from a convection oven, a cool breeze. Church, then a long run along the bayou--a pleasure in the middle of the day where 24 hours earlier it would have been hazardous due to the heat. End the day with a long, steady swim at dusk in an outdoor, olympic size pool with only three other swimmers. I almost shivered.
Sunday nights are a treat because the training for the week is done and Monday is a rest day. This night, two chocolate truffles and Tyrconnell single malt Irish whiskey, a reward for the progress so far, total relaxation after some long training. Tonight, they were particularly sweet.
Life is good.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Serenity

Bolder. You better sit down. In fact, you might ought to skip this post altogether. I don't think you can handle it.
For the past several weeks, I have been riding naked.
No. Not that kind of naked. I'm haven't suddenly gone all kinky. I mean without technology. **gasp** Oui, mon ami. Quelle horreure. Sans le technologie.
First, my rudimentary bike computer needed a battery. Then after replacing the battery, I needed to reset the wheel circumference, and none of the little numbers in the book matched the little numbers on my tires or rims. And then I forgot my timex heart rate monitor one week. It was just a human being and a bicycle. No satellite imagery. No numbers. No graphs.
Old.
School.
But today, the minimal electronic gizodry that I have was present and working, but I did not get the heart rate monitor started and stopped at the right times, so there is no accurate heart rate data from the ride. **gulp** I don't know if western civilization will continue. More to the point, while I was involuntarily old school, mother nature was full on intentionally old school. It was about 90 degrees, 90% humidity and winds gusting to 90 miles per hour.
Okay, so the winds were 30 miles per hour, but they would not be denied. Most of the second half of the ride involved climbing hills into a wind either straight in your face or off your front quarter. Stay down on the aero bars to avoid the wind, and the lack of stability blows you off line an interferes with your climbing. Sit up or stand to climb or gain better balance and you become a sail blowing your little boat the wrong way.
Odd, though. Last year, under conditions like that, I would have become worried whether I was going to finish the ride and would have been angry at having to ride in those conditions. Now, it was just, "so, this is the way it's going to be, is it?" Shrug, find a gear that I can spin at 85+ rpm, try to relax, and focus on that little white line. "Oh well."
Speed was way down, but effort was way up. The run-off was a death march, but . . . that's the way it's going to be.
I can't change it, but I can push through it.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

You Are Not A Pro

You know you're not a pro when you have to skip you're workout, even though your packed bike shoes, running shoes, shower shoes and appropriate gear, but your bags do not contain black, wingtip dress shoes that go ever-so-professionally with the suit hanging in your car.

Nothing like doing the morning commute twice and missing the single best morning of weather since last April.

Plan B: 10k at lunch and swim after the day job.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Oh, Snap.



So, this was at the top of my computer screen this evening. It is what you get in response to successfully completing an Ironman registration. It seems so easy. You fill in the little boxes. You tell them what size t-shirt you want. You let them know of any medical conditions that might endanger you on the course. Fork over a wad o' money, then hit "submit."

Oh, wait. Did not check the waiver box. Let's see . . . I agree, warrant and covenant as follows:

"Doing an Ironman or Ironman 70.3 is a large commitment on the athlete's time and lifestyle. It is a serious venture that involves sacrifice and some risks." Duh.

"Doing an Ironman or Ironman 70.3 is a serious athletic endeavor." Duh, again. Hopefully, I am becoming a serious athlete.

* * *

"I am physically fit and have sufficiently trained for this competition and that my physical condition has been verified by a licensed medical doctor." Ok, perhaps it is time for a physical.

* * *

"I HEREBY RELEASE, WAIVE, DISCHARGE AND COVENANT NOT TO SUE FORD IRONMAN WISCONSIN, IRONMAN NORTH AMERICA TRIATHLON, INC., The WORLD TRIATHLON CORPORATION, USAT, . . . herein referred to as "releasees", from all liability to me, my personal representatives, assigns, heirs, and next of kin for any and all loss or damage, and any claim or demands therefore on account of injury to me or my property or resulting in my death, . . . ." **blink**

"I HEREBY ASSUME FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR RISK OF BODILY INJURY,DEATH OR PROPERTY DAMAGE . . . . ."

OK, they are really starting to annoy me with the whole "death" thing. And why do I keep envisioning the swim start every time that word comes up?

First in . . . .

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Nuclear Proliferation

I am told that, in Ironman, your cycling should be like Nuclear weapons--you have to have a large and powerful arsenal in hopes that you will never have to use them. Since the person who made the statement is Chivalry Chris, a three time Ironman Wisconsin finisher--who PR'd in those hellish conditions--I am listening.

In theory, with the a huge nuclear cycling arsenal in the silo, one enters T2 with enough in the tank to tackle a marathon. And, if mother nature tries to spoil the party, there is a deep well from which to draw.

That is the theory. Today, practice started.

At 0430 this morning, it was pitch black, 80 degrees, not a breath of air moved, and the humidity was so thick that every window was opaque with gooey condensation. When the sun came up, I knew it would top 85 degrees with high humidity. A cyclist who wants decent conditions would have stayed at home.
Me? First in. Last out.
The ride started with the tri-club at 0700 on the Ironstar course. After spending last weekend in the cold rain, this weekend was 65 hot, very hilly, windy miles . . . . . and a run. Those hills will be done and re-done in all weather for the next 357 days, because that is how an arsenal is built. One weapon at a time.
Only time will tell if the arsenal is sufficient.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Miki y Ja (Miki and Me): First In, Last Out.

"DAIR EES . . . . DAH MAN! FIRST IN! LAST OUT!"

Thus bellowed the voice of Miki, my Serbian strength trainer Thursday morning.

"Huh??" was my uber-articulate reply.

"You arrrrrrrrrrrrrre . . . **pause grin** . . . . dah MAN! Firstone een da gym. Last one out."

Of course, it would be Miki who coins the phrase that will be the motto for Greyhound 2.0--the training. That is what I want my training to be. First In. Last Out. It is the mantra I repeated to myself this morning when I did not want to go to masters swim practice. "First In. Last Out." Swim, I did.
And in breaking news, Greyhound's workout yesterday included 5 sets of heavy lifts, in which Greyhound benchpressed 5 sets of 5 using the same weight that was his one rep max earlier this summer.
Greyhound started referring to himself in the third person when he began completing Eastern Bloc powerlifter workouts and asking his Serbian trainer to add some weight to the bar in the last sets.
WOOF!!

Monday, September 11, 2006

IMWI Weekend

The traffic lights on East Washington were blinking yellow in the predawn hours. There was no one to whom a signal would have been relevant. I was alone with my coffee, moving toward the State Capitol illuminated in the distance. I was not nervous, because I was not racing. I was there to have fun and enjoy my friends. I had never seen an Ironman race before, but I had some idea what the day had in store. Boy was I wrong. Ironman is real. Real does not confine itself to predictable outcomes.

It was hard to tell when daylight actually began at Monona Terrace that morning. The overcast was so thick and persistant that we never saw the sun or knew when it came up. As 0600 passed and race time got closer, it did not become light so much as it got less dark. Even that changed so slowly that you almost did not notice. The terrace was nevertheless awhirl. With all the athletes and volunteers and family members and the voice of Ironman stirring the organized chaos, I was lucky to run into Trisaratops and Iron Wil on their way to body marking. With a thumbs up and a hug they were off into the vortex.

As the appointed hour drew near, one got to see how people handle stress. Some people talked. Some were completely silent. Some sought out strangers. Some sought out solitude. With Reilly urging reluctant athletes into the water, I saw one male competitor who was obviously very fit and obviously had absorbed much training; yet he sat with his back to the wall of the Monona Terrace, his eyes fixed in a 1000 yard stare straight ahead as if he had a date with a hangman’s noose.

With much cajoling, all the competitors finally made it into the water. About this time, Trimama and Trihubby showed up for their volunteer station as wet suit strippers. For those of you who have met them, you will understand what I am about to say. I fell completely under their spell. Trihubby is a mensch who drinks my brand of scotch and Trimama simply rocks. Coolest mom on the block. No doubt. The whole long day we were together, I had only one complaint: they did not bring the tribe with them.

Soon thereafter, the gun went off. My first thought at seeing more than 2000 competitors clawing through the steel grey chop was base and simple. “[Expletive deleted], I’ll never be able to do this.” Although I went to Madison intending to register, I started to reject the idea out of hand. At one point, the swimming “peloton” stretched nearly all the way around the two loop course. I was on top of the terrace at that point and had time to think. That sight was early 1.2 miles of human beings representing countless hundreds of thousands of training hours and all the dreams invested in them.

As age groupers started to emerge from the water, I went to the swim exit looking for Wil and Sara. In an ominous omen on the day, the wind picked up and a drizzle began. The lake lapped at the rocks on shore and the weather began to look hostile. It was impossible not to shiver, both from the damp chill, and from anxiety. 138.2 miles left for these athletes, and conditions were getting worse, not better.

After the swim champs, the “ordinary” Ironmen (if there is such a thing) started to emerge from the water. From the fright of seeing the swim start, this was all encouragement. It makes you think, “maybe I can do this.” I kept an eye on my watch and kept looking for Wil’s telltale red, Orca wetsuit. (I looked hard for Sara, but did not know what her wetstuit looked like. I thought I saw her, but I was not sure.). Orca after Orca came out of the water as Wil’s top swim time came and went. I started to worry for her, but then I saw one last set of red, Orca arms. Her face turned toward me as she breathed and I recognized her at once. The volunteers grabbed her up out of the water like a baptism at a camp revival meeting and she was all smiles. Trihubby and Trimama yanked the wetsuit off her, and with a huge hug and an even bigger smile, she was off to T1.

I snagged some coffee and cookies for Trihubby and Trimama, because they were all wet from their duties, and there was still 40 minutes left in the swim. The emotions were raw as the swim cutoff approached. Out in the water, you could see the last few sets of arms cycling through their strokes, trying to make it in. With each swimmer, you wondered, “Is that the last guy? Or him? Will he make it?” Very soon we found out. With less than one minute to the cutoff, a female age grouper wept tears of joy and relief as she was informed that she made it. A spare few seconds later, two or three others wept tears of heartbreak when their chips were removed and they were not allowed to continue. The weeping was not in solitude. The volunteers cried. I cried.

Here, the weather really started to turn foul. The wind continued to climb as the temperature and the rain continued to fall. Trimama and Trihubby and I hopped in the car and took off for Verona to catch some of the bike route. The drizzle was now an honest rain. Elites and age groupers alike were suffering from the cold. You could see the suffering. Some, you could tell, had not gotten warm since emerging from the water. Yet, on they rode.

I got the tribe leaders back into town for their volunteer water stop duty and actually had to buy some sweats and another coat at the expo, just to keep warm. I saw the first two men out of T2 and cheered the incoming bikes for three hours. The suffering was right on the surface, even on the best athletes. Elites had been caught by some of the uberstrong age groupers, and some of the age groupers who are normally strong were limping in with blue lips and early hypothermia.

Then it was on to my volunteer station. I saw the first men and first women finish, but that is not nearly the most rewarding part of Ironman. I saw the middle and end of the bell curve come cross the line, and I was honored to carry their weight until they met weeping or cheering or screaming family members. A few just hobbled off into the night, alone and looking for dry clothes. I don’t know if they were lonely. It made me lonely.

These ironmen came in all types. The whooping 30 year old tri-stud, the dad who carries the kids across the line and collapses, the Irongrandpa, and the competitors who could not tell you their names and did not know where they were. The rain fell heavier and the temperature dropped further. Athletes who did not get inside were getting shocky and occasionally falling over. This was real. One young man sprinted for the line to break 11 hours, made his goal, and then promptly collapsed into our firemen’s carry. He did not open his eyes in the medical tent, but he could stammer that he had broken 11 hours. That was all he knew.

In the midst of this, all of us that were within electronic communication saw that Sara had made it in from the bike, but her time told the story of the day. Her average speed revealed just how hard the course was in those conditions. She was not far in advance of the cutoff, and still no news on Iron Wil. 5:30 came and 5:30 passed. We thought Wil had timed out and were crushed for her. Five minutes later ironmanlive (may it rot forever in hell) springs up with her bike split--just under the wire. Down turned to up. Trihubby ran out, saw her, and ran with her to the first breakpoint.

Somewhat later, we projected a finishing time for Sara based on her half-marathon split. We positioned ourselves so that she would have her own, personal, TBC finish line catchers. Those of you who know her in real life will not be surprised that she was all smiles, all gratitude, all grace. On a very hard day she did some very hard stuff. Wow. Just. Wow.

But by this time. Up had turned to down again. We knew Wil’s split for the first half of the marathon. We knew that hopes were dim, and we were extremely thankful that Stu was right along with her. She would tell you herself that she was in very good hands with Stu for the entire race. I know she must have been hurting much, much more than we, but we felt a sliver of the disappointment for her. She worked so hard. She did everything right. She was prepared. But there are no guarantees. You can do it right and still not finish. I sent her a text that night. I don’t know if she received it, and I don’t even know if the attention from out-of-state internet strangers was even entirely welcome, but the sentiment was as real as the race conditions that day.
“Trimama and Trihubby and I are feeling it with you, at least in a small way. Love and admiration are not born of what you do [or fail to do I will add now], but of who you are.”
I don’t really know Wil; but, I know who she is. Wil “is” a benediction, a “good word,” a blessing in motion. There are literally heart attacks that will not happen because of who she is. Her readers are inspired to “get on the bus” every morning, promptly at 4 a.m. There are pounds and eating disorders that no longer exist because of who she is. There are friendships that have formed, both with her and in her orbit because of who she is. That is “who” Iron Wil is.
Wil’s gravitational pull drags us along with her. It also continues to push her on. By 9:30 this morning, after her long, hard day yesterday, she stood with Run Bubba Run, Stu and Trihubby for a picture, all holding vouchers showing that they had signed up for Ironman Wisconsin 2007. Unfinished business.
Oh. And I stood with them. I have one of those vouchers too. Thanks, Wil.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Growing Pains

Any of you who have children already know the first thing my child asks when she is told she is going to the doctor. Say it with me now, "am I going to get a shot?" Trimama, I am sure, has heard it four times over as compared to me. Yet, at a very young age, we learn that sometimes the things we need will hurt. Mom or dad takes us to the doctor or the dentist, and we are told, "this might sting a little."

A LITTLE??!!

I tried to be brave then, and I try to be brave now, but there is still that inner struggle. Part of me intentionally seeks out those new experiences that take me out of my comfort zone. The pain or discomfort I experience tells me I am fully alive and still growing. Another part of me, though, likes things warm and comfortable.
As I write this, I am in a Panera Bread in Madison, Wisconsin, mere hours before my tri-blogger friends will plunge into Lake Menona at the sound of the gun for Ironman Wisconsin. The question on my mind is whether, next year, I will take the plunge with them. I have talked to the Stu-meister on the phone, and I have actually met Trisaratops. She is so infectiously high spirited, she made me want to grab a wetsuit and start right then and there.
Yet . . . this is going to hurt a little. Perhaps the greatest portion of the pain is just the anxiety about whether I can finish what I start, especially when I am not acting in secret, but someone like you is watching. It is one thing to burn out and give up anonymously. It is another to face the music and have someone know it.
I guess part of being a grownup is making the choice that is best, not just the choice that is easy.

Tomorrow, a gun will sound, a couple thousand people will take a great leap toward the fulfillment of a dream, and many hours later I will catch them at the finish line. I know I will feel like I am in the company of heroes.
Then . . . stay tuned.

Friday, September 08, 2006

For My Friends

Those of you toeing the line at Ironman Wisconsin this weekend, I have never yet been where you are going. But I offer a thought from someone who knew something about staying the course--the lion who roared when Britain stood alone.

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
  • Sir Winston Churchill

I admire you guys so much, and hope that I may some day stand with you in the company of Ironmen.

Your Friend,

Greyhound

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

"Are You A Triathlete?"

I went to my third masters swim workout this morning, and there was a new coach to whom I had to introduce myself. She was a tough old grandma who obviously swims like a fish and diagnoses stroke deficiencies with the precision of a surgeon.
She asks me, "are you a triathlete?" and thinking she might have observed my lack of speed or lack of flip turns, I sheepishly answer, "yes" and kind of hang my head a little.
Then I realize that she had not seen me swim, but was looking at my newly found, 91% fat free, body-by-Miki physique.
"I thought so," she says. "You look like you're really in good shape."
Grandmas rock.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

The Hill In Front of You

Sometimes it's good just to go back to the beginning. Years ago, when a friend of mine took me on my first "real" bike ride, I rode a relatively hilly route between Montgomery and Richards Texas, through the Sam Houston National forest. Although I was at least five years younger than I am today, and the weather was a lot cooler that October morning, I had to be rescued from the predictable "bonk." I thought I might never ride again.
Today part of my long ride covered that very same route, and a lot more besides. The morning woke warm and humid, You could almost see the air, especially when the newly risen sun sliced through pines of the forest. Sometimes it was so still, not a twig stirred. All I could hear was the sound of my chain, my tires, and my breathing.
This ride not only covered more miles than my first trip down that road; it covered more mental real estate as well. I've got a decision to make. Some of you who know me (or at least the blog me) might have an inkling what that decision is. For me it's a tough decision because it is dream and an effort I don't know that I am ready for. Moreover, it is a commitment that will affect other people besides myself. I haven't made the decision yet, but the ride gave me some tools that might come in handy.
1. Start where you are. It's the only place you can start. Watching the clock or wishing you were closer to your goal is wasted energy. Goals are only reached if you start. Ready or not, you can only start where you are.
2. Use what you have. Sure it might be nice to be bigger, stronger, faster . . . but all I've got is me, my bike and the stuff I brung with me. Waiting for perfect conditions results only in waiting.
3. Climb the hill in front of you. There are a lot of rollers and hills between Montgomery and Richards, but thinking about the one you see down the road or the one you know round the bend does not serve to get you up the hill that is under your tires. Those hills can only be climbed one at a time, and the best way to climb them is to have your brain and your body both climbing the same hill at the same time.
If I can manage that, maybe . . . just maybe. . .

Friday, September 01, 2006

The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Part 2

Number 3 is also true, but unfairly crafty. After I was 35, I had a case in The United States Supreme Court (capital "S" capital "C"), but attention to the docket would reveal that I did not argue it. It was argued by Miguel Estrada. Before I was 35, I had a case in another supreme court (lower case "s" lowe case "c"), i.e. the Supreme Court of Texas, which I was fortunate enough to argue. Iron Pol, who has devined my real identity, found my resume online and had all the facts in front of him, but alas, the devil is in the details.

By elimination, number 2, which sounds true, is false. Mrs. Greyhound was not my high school sweetheart, nor did we go to the same college. And this is a story in itself.

When I was a kid, we visited Mrs. Greyhound's home town once each summer for a family reunion. I dissed that little town once, and my mother, the Baptist prophetess remarked, "You don't know, you might actually marry a girl from this town some day." Moms are scarry, because through an improbable turn of events, that statement came true.

Mrs. Greyhound and I were both high school, classical instrumentalists in the State of Oklahoma. Given that we did not play steel guitar and sing about prison, trains and life on the farm, that is a fairly small circle of folks, so it is highly unusual that we never crossed paths. I was in the Oklahoma City Junior Syphony, and the year after I left to join the Oklahoma Youth Orchestra, Mrs. Greyhound joined the Junior Symphony. I was in the All State Band or Orchestra for three years. My senior year, Mrs. Greyhound was also in the orchestra and we knew some of the same people, but we never met. After graduation we went to different schools. Mrs. Greyhound went to OU, I went to Wisconsin.

After years of passing like ships in the night, we finally met through a mutual friend at the Aspen Music Festival, where we were both student musicians. It was an instant love affair of the deepest and most meaningful level (i.e., she thought my tookus looked cute in those 1980s little black running shorts and I thought she was hawt--we were only 21 after all). Although you might like to think I'm all Alan-Alda-kind-of-sensitive, at age 21 I was hearing no wedding bells. I was only slightly less disgusting than the average 21 year old college kid. But the age of miracles is not yet passed. For one brief shining moment, this introvert had enough game to get this hawtty interested in me instead of her grad student boyfriend back home.
SUH-WEET!

We kept in touch, grew a relationship through correspondence, visited when I was home for hollidays and returned to Aspen the next summer. About 10 days after I graduated from UW Madison in May of 1989 we were married and have remained so ever since--mostly through her tolerance and longsuffering nature. In introverted type A perfectionist can be a prickly life partner. Add triathlon to the picture and you have extended absences, but at least I'm usually too tired to be mean.

Congrats to Danielle and Tri-Mama who nailed the answer. Contact me by e-mail and tell me where to send the schwag. (I can deliver yours, tri-mama, at IMWI if you like). 21st Century Mom picked the right statement for the wrong reason and Fe-Lady picked the right statement with no specification of the falsehood. If you contact me by e-mail, I'll send you some schwag anyway, because that's just the kind of guy I am.

And now you know . . . the rest . . . of the story.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

The Truth About Cats & Dogs, Part 1

Number 1 is true. This picture is a very young and very lucky greyhound, 23 years old, standing outside Carnegie Hall in New York City in December, 1989. Later that night, I got to sit on the stage and play Beethoven Symphony No. 7 with the New World Symphony of Miami Florida, conducted by Michael Tilson Thomas, our music director. That orchestra was the highlight of my musical life and I was lucky to be in it. As far as I know, I played only one good audition in my entire life, and it happened to be that one.

I prepared for the audition by traveling several times to Chicago to take extra coaching from Dale Clevenger, the principal horn of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. Dale has a personality so huge it sucks the air out of the room when he enters, but I managed to improve during the first lesson, and he consented to another. At the second lesson Dale beckoned me into a room where he was not alone. The room was filled with students from his studio and the Chicago Civic Orchestra, training ground for the Chicago Symphony. They did not have their horns. They would be listening, not playing.
OH . . . . SNAP. I think I just pee’d . . . just a little.‘
Kind of like plunging in the water for that first open water race, I had to just take a deep breath and go. I managed not only to survive playing the excerpts in front of all these horn studs while Dale conducted and sang the orchestra parts, Dale actually banged his fist down a couple of times and bellowed, “now that’s the way I want to hear you guys play that.”
*gulp*
The day before the audition, however, I thought it was all for naught. Fever. Chills. Vomiting. Swollen glands. Classic flu. But some friends persuaded me to go take the audition with them “for the experience.” With absolutely nothing in my tank, I entered the hotel conference room where the audition was being held, and I played . . .
better than I ever had before and better than I had a right to expect. I slept on the floorboard of the car all the way back to Madison.
I made the call list, but there was no opening. So, I prepared to go to Northwestern to get my masters degree with Dale, accompanied by my new bride, Mrs. Greyhound. That summer, however, I received a letter. I had a job with the NWS and my job would include playing with the best young musicians in the country (aged 21-30), performing with the best conductors and the best soloists on the planet, and playing in Carnegie Hall.
My parents got to come--including my mother who passed on a piano scholarship at the Curtis Institute in Philadelphia because sheltered, Baptist girls from Oklahoma did not pursue such ambitions back in the 1950s. They got to go to the “big city” and see me perform, but I got something even better. I got to go back stage and see pictures of those who had gone before me--Toscanini, Furtwangler, Solti, Karjan, Casals, Stern, Rubenstein, Horowitz. . . . . wow, and I get to walk out there too?? What a charmed life.
Little did Mom and Dad know, but this was the second time I had taken an unchaperoned trip to New York City with the girl who became Mrs. Greyhound. . . .*gasp* . . . but that’s another story.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Fun & Games: Update

Hmmmmmmm. There are some very clever people out there; but, remember, greyhound is exceedingly crafty--dare we even say, deceptive. There is still plenty of greyhound schwag available, so those of you who have not guessed the lie from the truth . . . .

PLAY ON!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

IRL: Fun and Games

Trisaratops, in addition to being a wonderful writer, is the teacher that we all wish we had. (Unlike my history teachers, I bet Trisaratops manages not to get bogged down in the age of European exploration, forges past the Stamp Act, and manages to connect historical events to ideas and critical thinking that are vital to her students. But I'm not bitter. Really. I'm.Not.)

In order to break the ice in her new class, Trisaratops played the game where you list two truths and a lie about yourself, and your colleagues try to identify the lie. Inspired by her example, I thought it would be fun to play two truths and a lie in the blogosphere. Here's how it works.
I will list two truths and a lie about myself. You can guess in the comment section; BUT, there is a catch. If you guess, list two truths and a lie on your own blog, so that the game goes on and on, potentially taking the entire backbone of the world wide web offline. AND there is one more catch. I am a tricky little bastard. If you guess at a lie, identify the facts you think are false, and if you correctly do so, you will be entitled to receive astounding greyhound schwag (while supplies last).
So here goes. Identify the lie:
1. I played Carnegie Hall before I was 25 years old.
2. I have been married to Mrs. Greyhound, my highschool sweetheart, since 1989.
3. I argued a supreme court case before I was 35 years old.
Good luck.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Spirit of Triathlon: Friendship

What is it about this triathlon? Swimmers can be elitist and standoffish. Road cyclists can be really elitist and standoffish. Runners, especially the fast ones, can be darn intimidating. Yet, what happens when you squash all these prickly disciplines together?
Oddly enough, this "individual" sport of triathlon creates a really cool and welcoming community that is fertile for friendships. Some of those friendships are just people you greet from the handlebars. Sometimes it is the friendly assistance in setting up transition or figuring out that wetsuit for the first time. Sometimes it is nothing more earth shattering than post-race libations. But some of our friendships transcend this hobby or sport that we share. Why is that?
I am sure that I have neither the complete answer nor a corner on the market for insight, but I have a theory. Perhaps nothing is quite so toxic to community as pride. This sport will humble the proud. The swim champ is likely to get smoked by the cyclist. The uber roadie will leave his legs in T2, only to get smoked by every runner in his age group. The road racing champion first must avoid drowning and remember how to clip out before falling on his bike. All three of these might get smoked by the nutritionist who is smart enough to stay hydrated and fueled on the day.
At this stage in our sport's devleopment, none of us (or practically none of us) comes to triathlon having lettered in "triathlon." Many of us (especially us guys for some reason) come to the sport relatively late in life, as full grown adults. We don't come as "triathletes" per se, but maybe as runners, or swimmers, or cyclists, often having only recreational ability. We don't come because of our strengths; we come in spite of our weaknesses. None of us has it all together. Indeed, I bet if you interviewed the best professional triathletes, precious few of them would feel like they had it all together.
So what happens when you have a group of individuals that recognize their own shortcomings and the strengths to be gleaned from someone else? You have a community that creates friendships. Our tri club meetings are probably much like yours. The 30 something females, the 40 something males, the grandmas and grandpas, and the teens and twenties are all on the same footing. All share the fellowship of stupid mistakes, limited abilities, starting from wherever they are and moving onward and upward. After all, the ironman was the sprint tri newbie, not that long ago.
If it is true, as Saint Thomas Aquinas said, that "[t]here is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship," then it is also true in my case that there is no passtime on earth more to be prized than my sport, triathlon.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Breaking Up

Dear _______:
There comes a time in every relationship, when choices have to be made. I think that time is now. I think we should stop seeing each other. It’s not just a matter that you’re not meeting my needs, it’s just that we’ve grown apart.
I mean, when we started seeing each other, back in 1999, I was a completely different person. I was needy. I lacked confidence. I was unathletic. You held out promises, hope even. I took the bait. I committed to you. But nothing changed. It was empty. It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.
So I started running outside, in the park, seeing other people. I even made some friends. You didn’t seem to mind. You seemed to know that I would always return when things got too hot or too cold. I’d call on you in the dark. There would be indoor cardio again.
But the hope you offered for me was false hope. You just took and took and took. Whether it was charges for supplements, charges for drinks, charges for group exercise, it was always about you. You were a charge on my credit card every month.
But then I met the new gym. She was beautiful and new of course, but there was more. The people actually knew my name, and I learned theirs. They were happy to see me. They cheered for me--literally cheered when the marathon went right by their building. They stood on the sidewalk and cheered. They cheered for my marathon. They cheered for my increasingly leaner body. They cheered from my first triathlon all the way through my first season. Even the people who were not my trainers cheered for me.
You never cheered for me.
Yet you seemed so cocky. “She hasn’t got a pool,” I heard you say once. So, you knew that I’d come calling those dark mornings to get from you what you thought I could get nowhere else. I avoided you when I could swim anywhere else. But I’d always make the aquatic call eventually. You thought it would always be that way.
Yesterday, however, you decided that the pool is going to be closed every week, exactly when I need it for my mid-week swim. We just can’t go on like this. So, as of now, you are the health club that dare not speak its name. I wish you well, but you will never see me again. Don’t call.
Tomorrow morning, I am joining a master’s swim group. I just don’t need you anymore.
Sincerely,
greyhound

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

A Few Of My Favorite Things (NOT!)

This is the part of the show where you come to realize how whiny, petty, and judgmental Greyhound can be. But, it's my blog, and if you don't like it, then there is a little box with an "x" in the upper right hand corner that will solve our problem. If, however, you are inspired to vent your own little list of not-so-favorite things, that is what we have comments for.

NOT my favorite things:

1. Waking up at 2:15, 3:15 and 3:45 during a recovery week when I get to "sleep in" until quarter past four.

2. The smell of bacon wafting on the air when I know I will be eating oatmeal.

3. Humidity so stifling at 0500 that I need a shower after just walking out on my porch.

4. Sitting at my desk while a bead of perspiration rolls down my spine.

5. The phalanx of smokers outside the entrance to every downtown office building.

6. Knowing my health insurance rates include the mortality and disease data of the regiment of smokers waddling to and from their offices so they can pay for cable TV and a couch.

7. The phone ringing, again, and . . . again . . . . (wait for it) . . . . and again.

8. Stale coffee.

9. Smelling red beans and rice (with huge sausage link, cheese and onions) when I know I will be eating salad.

10. Houston in August (a sweating, smoking, cholesterol ingesting, incessant ringing, tepid stale coffee, inner ring of normality hell).

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Spirit of Triathlon: No Beige Allowed

dare
• verb 1 have the courage to do. 2 defy or challenge to do.
From the Old English: durran "to brave danger,"
When was the last time you confronted a choice between courage and cowardice? Our kids probably encounter it with some regularity, at least in its most basic form. Everyone is taller than they are, they cannot get from place to place without help, every year they are put into a new classroom with new teachers and new information to master, and several times each day they have to go onto a playground. On the playground someone may ask them point blank, "whatsa matter? Are you chicken?" They might even get the "bock bock" clucking sound to go along with it. Someone may challenge them with "I dare you," or even break out the "double dog dare."
The average grownup, with a little forethought, can structure a life to avoid that kind of direct challenge. If you want, especially in America, you can live beige. You can get a reasonable education and a reasonable job with reasonable expectations and predictable scheduling, resulting in a predictable career, and predictable retirement and a predictable decline. You won't risk much failure, but how much victory will you taste? Life becomes sort of like bathwater that is too tepid to be hot, and way too short of cold to be felt.
Kids don't live beige, and neither do triathletes. It is impossible to live beige before a training session that is longer or more intense than you have ever done before. Dare you start, not knowing whether you can finish? It is impossible to live beige on the shoreline before the gun goes off. Some of us are standing there knowing that, in the near past, we could not swim with our faces in the water. Dare you cast yourself into this kicking, seething foreign environment?
No matter who the athlete is or how many races he or she has done, triathlon is a daily "double dog dare." The water, or the distance, or the weather, or our own physical limitations cast down the same kind of challenge, no matter who you are. "Are you chicken? Do you dare?"
We do dare. We loathe beige. Tepid sucks. An anesthetized march to dust is unacceptable. For us, like Teddy Roosevelt, it is "Far better . . . to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure . . . than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
Dare. Win. Triumph. Fail. Enjoy. Suffer. Shun beige. I double dog dare you.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Athena

Hmmm. Let's see. Time to research the competition a little bit. "Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom, war, the arts, industry, justice and skill." Ok. . . . Nytro . . . wisdom . . . skill . . . . arts . . . yeah, not so much.

"Spung fully formed from the head of her father Zeus." Basically split him open because of the noise and pain caused by forging battle armor, helmet, breastplate and shield. Dad swallowed mom shortly after a round of supernatural copulation. Hmmm.. . . . Loud . . . brash . . . sometimes gives you a splitting headache. OK, now that's starting to sound like Nytro. Plus, if she tries to swim, bike and run with all that armor and whole Aegis and flowing robes thing, she's dead meat. I can do this.

"Her constant companion is Nike, the goddess of victory." OK that's not good. I'm definitely going have to find this Nike broad and take her out. I'm going to have to carry my old OLY pace over the length of a half-iron to have any chance of winning this bet. I don't need some skinny little type A tri-chica coming in and making this any harder. One girl with a weapon is quite enough.

I drank water and juice last night instead of having a beer or a glass of wine. I did not want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.

I rolled out this morning at 0345 to have breakfast before my swim workout. I did not want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.

I did my first hard swim workout since my "A" race last June. My lats, tris and delts were burning but I kept on. I did not want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.

I ate oatmeal for breakfast instead of bacon egg and cheese breakfast tacos. I didn't want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.

I will eat the healthy food I brought from home today instead of going for red beans and rice with a sausage link and cheese and. . . . . I don't want to, but I'm being chased by a potentially very angry Athena.

I'm running an hour this afternoon. I'm running like I'm being chased . . . by an Athena.

This can only end badly.

Monday, August 14, 2006

SOMA Celebrity Race

Nytro and Benny are very persuasive. Well, actually Nytro is. Benny is the governor that keeps persuasion from becoming coercion--most of the time.

Benny and Nytro told me they were doing "SOMA," and after explaining to me what it was, they encouraged me to come on out. So, the last weekend in October, Mrs. Greyhound and I will take the blog on the road and do the SOMA Half-Iron triathlon. I'll primarily be using the event as a long training day toward the end of my base period, but I know a lot of you will cap your seasons with this event.

I say "primarily" a training race because--if you haven't noticed--Nytro can be just a teeensy weeensy bit competitive. I dare not tug on Superman's cape, but we need to liven up the training. I think we need some type of "gentleman's wager" between Nytro and me--although admittedly no one would confuse Nytro for a gentleman. (OMG, did I say that out loud?) Of course the wager would have to be creative because young, healthy, strong and athletic Nytro is signed up for a mere quarter iron--unlike the short, middle-aged, band geek (and yet oddly Sean-Connery-like) Greyhound.

So, I put it to you Tri-bloggers. What should the wager be? Enter your suggestions in the comments, and be sure and tell me if you're coming to the race, if you're participating, and if you have any good race experiences to share.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Spirit of Triathlon: Get Off The Beach

Inspire: • verb 1 fill with the urge or ability to do or feel something. 2 create (a feeling) in a person. 3 give rise to. 4 inhale.

— ORIGIN Latin inspirare ‘breathe or blow into’.
--Oxford English Dictionary
Inspiration. The word has been used to describe weighty and mystical happenings, like when people are touched by God--when the Spirit of God is "breathed into" a person who is regenerated to new life. The word has also been trivialized, used to describe what people feel like after seeing a touching film or beautiful sunset. It temporarily gives the warm fuzzies but effects no real change.
We in the tri-blogosphere often use it to describe our effect on each other, as in, "Wil, you're so inspiring." Whether or not you and I share the same spiritual convictions, I am coming to the firm conclusion that we are using that word in that life-changing sort of way. Our sport and our participation in it "breathes" life into ourselves and our community.
Look around the blogosphere posts for this week alone. Jessi's post leaves no doubt that triathlon has changed who she is, from the inside out. The Jessi pictured in her mind is a different person from the Jessi of only a short time ago, and she attributes it to triathlon.
The Kahuna wrote about how an open water swim breathed life into an otherwise soul-sucking day. His reservations as he hit the Pacific Ocean made him observe, "You can't decide if that bit of fear makes you feel like a coward or that you are alive for the first time today. Probably both."
Iron Wil went on a mission to find her life, and she has succeeded through triathlon. She observed, "Most things I went looking for I discovered I already had. And simple things captivate me once again. My life is where I want it. And I'm who I want to be."
That pre-blogger, Henry David Thoreau, observed, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." (Walden, Ch. 1, Economy (1854)). Are we not doing somewhat the same thing? Do we not find life in the "deliberate" tempo we set in the water or over the land? Do we not breathe life from the "essential facts" of reaching for something we cannot yet do and then working until we do it? I think so.
Nytro would probably find it odd to be juxtaposed with Thoreau, but she went to her own "woods" and fronted "the essential facts of life" in her first olympic distance triathlon. Like each of us, she kept going when it would have been more comfortable to stop. Perhaps, like Thoreau, she did not want to discover that "she had not lived." She put it this way: "[I] kept telling myself that even if I was the last one out of the water, the beach was full of people who hadn't even tried."
This life is a beach full of people who may one day discover at the end of their lives that, by staying on the beach, they have not really lived. We are the happy few who have ventured off the beach and have inhaled deeply of life so we can breathe it into each other.
Hey! You there . . . on the beach. It doesn't have to be triathlon, but get off the beach. Do something hard. Do something simple. Try. Live.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Spirit of Triathlon: Manna from Heaven

According to Bolder from Boulder, it's all about the bike. He did not even know how right he was, and the bike doesn't need to be nearly as fancy as his beloved Cervelo. Second hand mountain bikes or hybrids will do.

A man from Namibia, where poverty and the AIDS pandemic rage, told me the other day that his second hand bicycle was "Manna from Heaven." Actually, he did not tell me, he told the world. His words were featured in the first of a series of stories on the BBC Radio archive entitled, "The Fall And Rise Of The Bicycle."

His bicycle had first been owned by someone in the UK or perhaps America who no longer had use for it. It had been donated through any number of bicycle charities who provided the bicycle to the Bicycle Empowerment Network--Namibia (BEN-Namibia), which refurbishes and repairs the bicycles, and then gives them to people who need them. Listen here.

Big deal? Actually, in places like Namibia it is. A child with a bicycle can make it to school on time, getting an education and remaining safe in the schoolhouse. An medical worker with a bicycle can travel the distances necessary to care for the appalling numbers of people in Namibia suffering from AIDS, making sure that they take their medications and are cared for with dignity. A farmer or artisan or small business person with a bicycle can travel and do commerce with others. Check out BEN-Namibia and their partner charities, including Bicycles for Humanity. You'll be astounded what a cheap mountain bike can become in the third world.

How many of us started our own triathlon journeys on mountain bikes or hybrids that we no longer have use for? The spirit of triathlon is the handshake in the transition area before the race, the encouragement on the course, and the slap on the back after the race. That spirit applied to our old bicycles means they no longer gather the dust of idleness in our garages, but gather the dust of use by people for whom they are "Manna from Heaven."

Friday, August 04, 2006

All You Need is . . .

"All you neeed ees . . (pause) . . . kettel bell . . . (smirk)"

That is what MIKI said near the end of our session. Sweat was dripping from every pore, I was drenched as thoroughly as if I had been dumped in a pond, and every muscle in my body was trembling. In fact, if there are typos in this post, blame it on the convulsions in my delts, pecs, biceps, hips, core, back, quads, ass, and pretty much everywhere except my metatarsals.

A kettel bell is the medieval torture device pictured above. It is manufactured still by the Chinese communists, and apparently is useful for training olympic athletes or tormenting political prisoners. It was the featured item for our circuit workout this morning.

I arrived early, did a little aerobic work to raise my core temperature and stretched before MIKI arrived. When he got there I proudly announced that I had warmed up and stretched. "Eees gooot. (shrug). Vee do special warmup. I'll get my toyssss . . (pause) . . . und vee begin."

The "special" warmup was a dumbell-enhanced core routine that might have been devised if Mark Verstegen had been fond of hurting small, furry animals. After 15, sweat popping minutes of that, the workout began.

MIKI broke out the cattle bells and proceeded to break out a circuit workout calculated to humble the proud and crumble the humble. Multimovement strength and power exercises involving arms, legs, back, core, chest . . . dang near everything else. Three sets. The first set was hard. The second was a lactic acid-dropping burn fest. The third . . . I have no clear memory of the third set.

Apprently, this was followed by an ab routine and some coach-assisted stretching. At least that is what I'm told. Someone may have to tell me about Greyhound 2.0--citius, altius, fortius. I may not live to see it.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Miki i Ja (Miki and Me)

I cannot predict the future. Normally. But I know something for certain. Tomorrow, I am going hurt. My quads will hurt. My chest will hurt. My abs will hurt. My back will hurt. Why? Because today I met

MIKI.

“Awwwwwww,” you say. “How cute. Who is she? What breed? Pomeranian? Shitzu?”

No, MIKI is Serbian. HE is married to a former pro triathlete and swim coach. It is said he used to train the Spetsnaz. I, for one, believe it.

MIKI tested my VO2 max. MIKI tested my percentage body fat. MIKI tested my upper body endurance. MIKI tested core endurance. MIKI tested max bench press. MIKI tested max leg press. Miki tested how many pullups, dips and pushups I could do until exhaustion. The body fat calipers kind of tickled. Nothing else did.

MIKI is super qualified and very nice, but he talks like that big Russian Rocky had to fight in Rocky IV. Get used to his voice, because you will hear him regularly on the blog. He has accepted the mission to create Greyhound 2.0--citius, altius, fortius. In MIKI’s words:

(**begin Eastern European accent**)

“Vee test, und see your veekneesses, yesss? . . . .Then, I make plan. Not just triathlon plan. I make special.

“Test show you need powah. Vee make powah.

“You need . . . muhskoolah . . . endoorahnce . . . Vee make muhskoolah endoorahnce.

“Upper bahdeee endoorahnce . . . ees (shrug) pretty goooot.

“Max pull ups, und dips . . . ees not too goooooot. With short bahdee, und light veyt, should be much more.

“Vee check dee V-O-too maxeemum . . . ees (shrug) OK. Vee make bettah.

“Yore bahdee fat. 9%. Eees Excellent . . . .”

(I smile)

“BAHT, . . . . ees NOT . . . COM-PET-IT-TIVE.

(I cease smiling)

“Vee make you . . . TOTAL . . . ATHLETE.”

We begin 0500 this Friday. This is gonna leave a mark.