
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Ladies and Gentlemen--Place Your Bets Please

Friday, October 20, 2006
C-R-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-C-K
In our last episode, of course, Nytro was taking the most widely published, lycra-clad bootay on the internet and sitting it on my dome while she jammed an ice pick into my neck, my right shoulder, oh and my right elbow and then my right forearm. She's deperate that way--win at all costs--you know the type--older jock trying to recapture the long lost glory days. Anyway, I digress.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
"Say Hello To My Little Friend"

Nytro is a pain in the neck. I know some of you might have chosen a different part of the anatomy, but my neck hurts and I blame Nytro.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
First In, Last Out--Mrs. Greyhound Style
But Mrs. Greyhound breaks out with, "you know, I didn't do what I had planned for this evening so you could swim."
Celebrity Ride: DUDE, I AM FREAKING OUT
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Wet Dog
I haven't posted about training lately because there are so many of my friends on the cusp of their Ironman tapers that my own tale of woe pretty unimpressive. I am sure that Kahuna, Trimama, Commodore, Triboomer, Bolder and the crew make me look like I'm skiving off my duties. Nevertheless, I am SPENT.Sunday, October 08, 2006
Citius, Altius, Fortius
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Miki y Ja: The Birthday Present
This blog has managed to accomplish what was hitherto thought impossible. Nytro has been rendered speechless. My professionally trained uber-smack-talking spherical chicken rant has been online for a week, and still the promised rejoinder is not.Sunday, October 01, 2006
Shrug
I want to discover triathlon when I'm 25. I want the friendships I have at 40, only 15 years earlier.
I want a 45 degree evening where the air is dry, the mountains are still, and all of my friends are gathered around an outdoor fireplace after an epic training ride, laughing and sharing stories. Our group includes not only my close friends like Maria Gratia, Ubergreyhound, Coach T, Scuba Steve, but also the bloggers I have met in real life like Kahuna, Iron Wil, Stu, Trisaratops, Bolder, Trimama, Taconite Boy, Mishele . . . . It even includes the close friends I have never met, like Triboomer, Brett, A.J., Nytro, Iron Benny, . . . . Besides our laughter, all you can hear is the wind in the pines, and the Blue River gurgling down the valley. None of us has to leave, none has to go back to work, none wants to . . .
Well, it's what I want. **shrug**
Friday, September 29, 2006
A Spherical, Frictionless Chicken
So, based upon Nytro's shot across my bow, I am apparently supposed to concede two things: (1) well, how exactly do I say this without being unseemly about an ironman's wife . . . let's just say . . . lycra is flattering to her assets, and (2) I have chutzpah . . . or as she put it, "great big hot wasabi balls."Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Smells LIke Athena Spirit

"You smell that smell--that charcoal smell? That's Athena.
"I LOVE the smell of Athena in the morning. . . . . Smells like . . . VICTORY!"
It is SO on. SOMA is so SO ON!!
So yeah, I had a good brick in the park this morning. At 0445 the temps were (finally) down in the 60s, and I ripped around the picnic loop for two hours worth of two mile intervals. The Ipod was blaring Siegfried's Death and Funeral March (right before Brunhilde casts herself on the funeral pire) and Ride of the Valkeries when I started to smell that smell.
Roasting Athena. VICTORY.
After two hours of hammering, I sprang off the bike and ripped off a 5k at about 8 minute pace and felt like I could have gone on forever. Athenas and Cruiser class dudes were falling into the ditches after being pelted by the mighty greyhound's slipstream. We are the Cowboys from hell.
Ahem.
And I feel good.
Wait--you mean it's not going to be 60 degrees on the run in Tempe?
And she's only going half as far as I am? I have to maintain the same pace over a half-iron as she does for the quarter?
Oh, snap. Never mind.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Whiskey and Chocolates
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Serenity
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
You Are Not A Pro
Nothing like doing the morning commute twice and missing the single best morning of weather since last April.
Plan B: 10k at lunch and swim after the day job.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Oh, Snap.

So, this was at the top of my computer screen this evening. It is what you get in response to successfully completing an Ironman registration. It seems so easy. You fill in the little boxes. You tell them what size t-shirt you want. You let them know of any medical conditions that might endanger you on the course. Fork over a wad o' money, then hit "submit."
Oh, wait. Did not check the waiver box. Let's see . . . I agree, warrant and covenant as follows:
"Doing an Ironman or Ironman 70.3 is a large commitment on the athlete's time and lifestyle. It is a serious venture that involves sacrifice and some risks." Duh.
"Doing an Ironman or Ironman 70.3 is a serious athletic endeavor." Duh, again. Hopefully, I am becoming a serious athlete.
* * *
"I am physically fit and have sufficiently trained for this competition and that my physical condition has been verified by a licensed medical doctor." Ok, perhaps it is time for a physical.
* * *
"I HEREBY RELEASE, WAIVE, DISCHARGE AND COVENANT NOT TO SUE FORD IRONMAN WISCONSIN, IRONMAN NORTH AMERICA TRIATHLON, INC., The WORLD TRIATHLON CORPORATION, USAT, . . . herein referred to as "releasees", from all liability to me, my personal representatives, assigns, heirs, and next of kin for any and all loss or damage, and any claim or demands therefore on account of injury to me or my property or resulting in my death, . . . ." **blink**
"I HEREBY ASSUME FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR RISK OF BODILY INJURY,DEATH OR PROPERTY DAMAGE . . . . ."
OK, they are really starting to annoy me with the whole "death" thing. And why do I keep envisioning the swim start every time that word comes up?
First in . . . .
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Nuclear Proliferation
That is the theory. Today, practice started.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Miki y Ja (Miki and Me): First In, Last Out.
Monday, September 11, 2006
IMWI Weekend
It was hard to tell when daylight actually began at Monona Terrace that morning. The overcast was so thick and persistant that we never saw the sun or knew when it came up. As 0600 passed and race time got closer, it did not become light so much as it got less dark. Even that changed so slowly that you almost did not notice. The terrace was nevertheless awhirl. With all the athletes and volunteers and family members and the voice of Ironman stirring the organized chaos, I was lucky to run into Trisaratops and Iron Wil on their way to body marking. With a thumbs up and a hug they were off into the vortex.
As the appointed hour drew near, one got to see how people handle stress. Some people talked. Some were completely silent. Some sought out strangers. Some sought out solitude. With Reilly urging reluctant athletes into the water, I saw one male competitor who was obviously very fit and obviously had absorbed much training; yet he sat with his back to the wall of the Monona Terrace, his eyes fixed in a 1000 yard stare straight ahead as if he had a date with a hangman’s noose.
With much cajoling, all the competitors finally made it into the water. About this time, Trimama and Trihubby showed up for their volunteer station as wet suit strippers. For those of you who have met them, you will understand what I am about to say. I fell completely under their spell. Trihubby is a mensch who drinks my brand of scotch and Trimama simply rocks. Coolest mom on the block. No doubt. The whole long day we were together, I had only one complaint: they did not bring the tribe with them.
Soon thereafter, the gun went off. My first thought at seeing more than 2000 competitors clawing through the steel grey chop was base and simple. “[Expletive deleted], I’ll never be able to do this.” Although I went to Madison intending to register, I started to reject the idea out of hand. At one point, the swimming “peloton” stretched nearly all the way around the two loop course. I was on top of the terrace at that point and had time to think. That sight was early 1.2 miles of human beings representing countless hundreds of thousands of training hours and all the dreams invested in them.
As age groupers started to emerge from the water, I went to the swim exit looking for Wil and Sara. In an ominous omen on the day, the wind picked up and a drizzle began. The lake lapped at the rocks on shore and the weather began to look hostile. It was impossible not to shiver, both from the damp chill, and from anxiety. 138.2 miles left for these athletes, and conditions were getting worse, not better.
After the swim champs, the “ordinary” Ironmen (if there is such a thing) started to emerge from the water. From the fright of seeing the swim start, this was all encouragement. It makes you think, “maybe I can do this.” I kept an eye on my watch and kept looking for Wil’s telltale red, Orca wetsuit. (I looked hard for Sara, but did not know what her wetstuit looked like. I thought I saw her, but I was not sure.). Orca after Orca came out of the water as Wil’s top swim time came and went. I started to worry for her, but then I saw one last set of red, Orca arms. Her face turned toward me as she breathed and I recognized her at once. The volunteers grabbed her up out of the water like a baptism at a camp revival meeting and she was all smiles. Trihubby and Trimama yanked the wetsuit off her, and with a huge hug and an even bigger smile, she was off to T1.
I snagged some coffee and cookies for Trihubby and Trimama, because they were all wet from their duties, and there was still 40 minutes left in the swim. The emotions were raw as the swim cutoff approached. Out in the water, you could see the last few sets of arms cycling through their strokes, trying to make it in. With each swimmer, you wondered, “Is that the last guy? Or him? Will he make it?” Very soon we found out. With less than one minute to the cutoff, a female age grouper wept tears of joy and relief as she was informed that she made it. A spare few seconds later, two or three others wept tears of heartbreak when their chips were removed and they were not allowed to continue. The weeping was not in solitude. The volunteers cried. I cried.
Here, the weather really started to turn foul. The wind continued to climb as the temperature and the rain continued to fall. Trimama and Trihubby and I hopped in the car and took off for Verona to catch some of the bike route. The drizzle was now an honest rain. Elites and age groupers alike were suffering from the cold. You could see the suffering. Some, you could tell, had not gotten warm since emerging from the water. Yet, on they rode.
I got the tribe leaders back into town for their volunteer water stop duty and actually had to buy some sweats and another coat at the expo, just to keep warm. I saw the first two men out of T2 and cheered the incoming bikes for three hours. The suffering was right on the surface, even on the best athletes. Elites had been caught by some of the uberstrong age groupers, and some of the age groupers who are normally strong were limping in with blue lips and early hypothermia.
Then it was on to my volunteer station. I saw the first men and first women finish, but that is not nearly the most rewarding part of Ironman. I saw the middle and end of the bell curve come cross the line, and I was honored to carry their weight until they met weeping or cheering or screaming family members. A few just hobbled off into the night, alone and looking for dry clothes. I don’t know if they were lonely. It made me lonely.
These ironmen came in all types. The whooping 30 year old tri-stud, the dad who carries the kids across the line and collapses, the Irongrandpa, and the competitors who could not tell you their names and did not know where they were. The rain fell heavier and the temperature dropped further. Athletes who did not get inside were getting shocky and occasionally falling over. This was real. One young man sprinted for the line to break 11 hours, made his goal, and then promptly collapsed into our firemen’s carry. He did not open his eyes in the medical tent, but he could stammer that he had broken 11 hours. That was all he knew.
In the midst of this, all of us that were within electronic communication saw that Sara had made it in from the bike, but her time told the story of the day. Her average speed revealed just how hard the course was in those conditions. She was not far in advance of the cutoff, and still no news on Iron Wil. 5:30 came and 5:30 passed. We thought Wil had timed out and were crushed for her. Five minutes later ironmanlive (may it rot forever in hell) springs up with her bike split--just under the wire. Down turned to up. Trihubby ran out, saw her, and ran with her to the first breakpoint.
Somewhat later, we projected a finishing time for Sara based on her half-marathon split. We positioned ourselves so that she would have her own, personal, TBC finish line catchers. Those of you who know her in real life will not be surprised that she was all smiles, all gratitude, all grace. On a very hard day she did some very hard stuff. Wow. Just. Wow.
But by this time. Up had turned to down again. We knew Wil’s split for the first half of the marathon. We knew that hopes were dim, and we were extremely thankful that Stu was right along with her. She would tell you herself that she was in very good hands with Stu for the entire race. I know she must have been hurting much, much more than we, but we felt a sliver of the disappointment for her. She worked so hard. She did everything right. She was prepared. But there are no guarantees. You can do it right and still not finish. I sent her a text that night. I don’t know if she received it, and I don’t even know if the attention from out-of-state internet strangers was even entirely welcome, but the sentiment was as real as the race conditions that day.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Growing Pains
A LITTLE??!!
Friday, September 08, 2006
For My Friends
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill
I admire you guys so much, and hope that I may some day stand with you in the company of Ironmen.
Your Friend,
Greyhound
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
"Are You A Triathlete?"
I went to my third masters swim workout this morning, and there was a new coach to whom I had to introduce myself. She was a tough old grandma who obviously swims like a fish and diagnoses stroke deficiencies with the precision of a surgeon. Saturday, September 02, 2006
The Hill In Front of You
Friday, September 01, 2006
The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Part 2
By elimination, number 2, which sounds true, is false. Mrs. Greyhound was not my high school sweetheart, nor did we go to the same college. And this is a story in itself.
When I was a kid, we visited Mrs. Greyhound's home town once each summer for a family reunion. I dissed that little town once, and my mother, the Baptist prophetess remarked, "You don't know, you might actually marry a girl from this town some day." Moms are scarry, because through an improbable turn of events, that statement came true.
Congrats to Danielle and Tri-Mama who nailed the answer. Contact me by e-mail and tell me where to send the schwag. (I can deliver yours, tri-mama, at IMWI if you like). 21st Century Mom picked the right statement for the wrong reason and Fe-Lady picked the right statement with no specification of the falsehood. If you contact me by e-mail, I'll send you some schwag anyway, because that's just the kind of guy I am.
And now you know . . . the rest . . . of the story.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
The Truth About Cats & Dogs, Part 1

I prepared for the audition by traveling several times to Chicago to take extra coaching from Dale Clevenger, the principal horn of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. Dale has a personality so huge it sucks the air out of the room when he enters, but I managed to improve during the first lesson, and he consented to another. At the second lesson Dale beckoned me into a room where he was not alone. The room was filled with students from his studio and the Chicago Civic Orchestra, training ground for the Chicago Symphony. They did not have their horns. They would be listening, not playing.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Fun & Games: Update
PLAY ON!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
IRL: Fun and Games
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Spirit of Triathlon: Friendship
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Breaking Up
There comes a time in every relationship, when choices have to be made. I think that time is now. I think we should stop seeing each other. It’s not just a matter that you’re not meeting my needs, it’s just that we’ve grown apart.
I mean, when we started seeing each other, back in 1999, I was a completely different person. I was needy. I lacked confidence. I was unathletic. You held out promises, hope even. I took the bait. I committed to you. But nothing changed. It was empty. It wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.
So I started running outside, in the park, seeing other people. I even made some friends. You didn’t seem to mind. You seemed to know that I would always return when things got too hot or too cold. I’d call on you in the dark. There would be indoor cardio again.
But the hope you offered for me was false hope. You just took and took and took. Whether it was charges for supplements, charges for drinks, charges for group exercise, it was always about you. You were a charge on my credit card every month.
But then I met the new gym. She was beautiful and new of course, but there was more. The people actually knew my name, and I learned theirs. They were happy to see me. They cheered for me--literally cheered when the marathon went right by their building. They stood on the sidewalk and cheered. They cheered for my marathon. They cheered for my increasingly leaner body. They cheered from my first triathlon all the way through my first season. Even the people who were not my trainers cheered for me.
You never cheered for me.
Yet you seemed so cocky. “She hasn’t got a pool,” I heard you say once. So, you knew that I’d come calling those dark mornings to get from you what you thought I could get nowhere else. I avoided you when I could swim anywhere else. But I’d always make the aquatic call eventually. You thought it would always be that way.
Yesterday, however, you decided that the pool is going to be closed every week, exactly when I need it for my mid-week swim. We just can’t go on like this. So, as of now, you are the health club that dare not speak its name. I wish you well, but you will never see me again. Don’t call.
Tomorrow morning, I am joining a master’s swim group. I just don’t need you anymore.
Sincerely,
greyhound
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
A Few Of My Favorite Things (NOT!)
This is the part of the show where you come to realize how whiny, petty, and judgmental Greyhound can be. But, it's my blog, and if you don't like it, then there is a little box with an "x" in the upper right hand corner that will solve our problem. If, however, you are inspired to vent your own little list of not-so-favorite things, that is what we have comments for.NOT my favorite things:
1. Waking up at 2:15, 3:15 and 3:45 during a recovery week when I get to "sleep in" until quarter past four.
2. The smell of bacon wafting on the air when I know I will be eating oatmeal.
3. Humidity so stifling at 0500 that I need a shower after just walking out on my porch.
4. Sitting at my desk while a bead of perspiration rolls down my spine.
5. The phalanx of smokers outside the entrance to every downtown office building.
6. Knowing my health insurance rates include the mortality and disease data of the regiment of smokers waddling to and from their offices so they can pay for cable TV and a couch.
7. The phone ringing, again, and . . . again . . . . (wait for it) . . . . and again.
8. Stale coffee.
9. Smelling red beans and rice (with huge sausage link, cheese and onions) when I know I will be eating salad.
10. Houston in August (a sweating, smoking, cholesterol ingesting, incessant ringing, tepid stale coffee, inner ring of normality hell).
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Spirit of Triathlon: No Beige Allowed
• verb 1 have the courage to do. 2 defy or challenge to do.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Athena
Hmmm. Let's see. Time to research the competition a little bit. "Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom, war, the arts, industry, justice and skill." Ok. . . . Nytro . . . wisdom . . . skill . . . . arts . . . yeah, not so much."Spung fully formed from the head of her father Zeus." Basically split him open because of the noise and pain caused by forging battle armor, helmet, breastplate and shield. Dad swallowed mom shortly after a round of supernatural copulation. Hmmm.. . . . Loud . . . brash . . . sometimes gives you a splitting headache. OK, now that's starting to sound like Nytro. Plus, if she tries to swim, bike and run with all that armor and whole Aegis and flowing robes thing, she's dead meat. I can do this.
"Her constant companion is Nike, the goddess of victory." OK that's not good. I'm definitely going have to find this Nike broad and take her out. I'm going to have to carry my old OLY pace over the length of a half-iron to have any chance of winning this bet. I don't need some skinny little type A tri-chica coming in and making this any harder. One girl with a weapon is quite enough.
I drank water and juice last night instead of having a beer or a glass of wine. I did not want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.
I rolled out this morning at 0345 to have breakfast before my swim workout. I did not want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.
I did my first hard swim workout since my "A" race last June. My lats, tris and delts were burning but I kept on. I did not want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.
I ate oatmeal for breakfast instead of bacon egg and cheese breakfast tacos. I didn't want to, but I'm being chased by an Athena.
I will eat the healthy food I brought from home today instead of going for red beans and rice with a sausage link and cheese and. . . . . I don't want to, but I'm being chased by a potentially very angry Athena.
I'm running an hour this afternoon. I'm running like I'm being chased . . . by an Athena.
This can only end badly.
Monday, August 14, 2006
SOMA Celebrity Race
Nytro and Benny are very persuasive. Well, actually Nytro is. Benny is the governor that keeps persuasion from becoming coercion--most of the time.Benny and Nytro told me they were doing "SOMA," and after explaining to me what it was, they encouraged me to come on out. So, the last weekend in October, Mrs. Greyhound and I will take the blog on the road and do the SOMA Half-Iron triathlon. I'll primarily be using the event as a long training day toward the end of my base period, but I know a lot of you will cap your seasons with this event.
I say "primarily" a training race because--if you haven't noticed--Nytro can be just a teeensy weeensy bit competitive. I dare not tug on Superman's cape, but we need to liven up the training. I think we need some type of "gentleman's wager" between Nytro and me--although admittedly no one would confuse Nytro for a gentleman. (OMG, did I say that out loud?) Of course the wager would have to be creative because young, healthy, strong and athletic Nytro is signed up for a mere quarter iron--unlike the short, middle-aged, band geek (and yet oddly Sean-Connery-like) Greyhound.
So, I put it to you Tri-bloggers. What should the wager be? Enter your suggestions in the comments, and be sure and tell me if you're coming to the race, if you're participating, and if you have any good race experiences to share.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Spirit of Triathlon: Get Off The Beach
— ORIGIN Latin inspirare ‘breathe or blow into’.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Spirit of Triathlon: Manna from Heaven
A man from Namibia, where poverty and the AIDS pandemic rage, told me the other day that his second hand bicycle was "Manna from Heaven." Actually, he did not tell me, he told the world. His words were featured in the first of a series of stories on the BBC Radio archive entitled, "The Fall And Rise Of The Bicycle."
His bicycle had first been owned by someone in the UK or perhaps America who no longer had use for it. It had been donated through any number of bicycle charities who provided the bicycle to the Bicycle Empowerment Network--Namibia (BEN-Namibia), which refurbishes and repairs the bicycles, and then gives them to people who need them. Listen here.
Big deal? Actually, in places like Namibia it is. A child with a bicycle can make it to school on time, getting an education and remaining safe in the schoolhouse. An medical worker with a bicycle can travel the distances necessary to care for the appalling numbers of people in Namibia suffering from AIDS, making sure that they take their medications and are cared for with dignity. A farmer or artisan or small business person with a bicycle can travel and do commerce with others. Check out BEN-Namibia and their partner charities, including Bicycles for Humanity. You'll be astounded what a cheap mountain bike can become in the third world.
How many of us started our own triathlon journeys on mountain bikes or hybrids that we no longer have use for? The spirit of triathlon is the handshake in the transition area before the race, the encouragement on the course, and the slap on the back after the race. That spirit applied to our old bicycles means they no longer gather the dust of idleness in our garages, but gather the dust of use by people for whom they are "Manna from Heaven."
Friday, August 04, 2006
All You Need is . . .
"All you neeed ees . . (pause) . . . kettel bell . . . (smirk)"That is what MIKI said near the end of our session. Sweat was dripping from every pore, I was drenched as thoroughly as if I had been dumped in a pond, and every muscle in my body was trembling. In fact, if there are typos in this post, blame it on the convulsions in my delts, pecs, biceps, hips, core, back, quads, ass, and pretty much everywhere except my metatarsals.
A kettel bell is the medieval torture device pictured above. It is manufactured still by the Chinese communists, and apparently is useful for training olympic athletes or tormenting political prisoners. It was the featured item for our circuit workout this morning.
I arrived early, did a little aerobic work to raise my core temperature and stretched before MIKI arrived. When he got there I proudly announced that I had warmed up and stretched. "Eees gooot. (shrug). Vee do special warmup. I'll get my toyssss . . (pause) . . . und vee begin."
The "special" warmup was a dumbell-enhanced core routine that might have been devised if Mark Verstegen had been fond of hurting small, furry animals. After 15, sweat popping minutes of that, the workout began.
MIKI broke out the cattle bells and proceeded to break out a circuit workout calculated to humble the proud and crumble the humble. Multimovement strength and power exercises involving arms, legs, back, core, chest . . . dang near everything else. Three sets. The first set was hard. The second was a lactic acid-dropping burn fest. The third . . . I have no clear memory of the third set.
Apprently, this was followed by an ab routine and some coach-assisted stretching. At least that is what I'm told. Someone may have to tell me about Greyhound 2.0--citius, altius, fortius. I may not live to see it.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Miki i Ja (Miki and Me)
I cannot predict the future. Normally. But I know something for certain. Tomorrow, I am going hurt. My quads will hurt. My chest will hurt. My abs will hurt. My back will hurt. Why? Because today I metMIKI.
“Awwwwwww,” you say. “How cute. Who is she? What breed? Pomeranian? Shitzu?”
No, MIKI is Serbian. HE is married to a former pro triathlete and swim coach. It is said he used to train the Spetsnaz. I, for one, believe it.
MIKI tested my VO2 max. MIKI tested my percentage body fat. MIKI tested my upper body endurance. MIKI tested core endurance. MIKI tested max bench press. MIKI tested max leg press. Miki tested how many pullups, dips and pushups I could do until exhaustion. The body fat calipers kind of tickled. Nothing else did.
MIKI is super qualified and very nice, but he talks like that big Russian Rocky had to fight in Rocky IV. Get used to his voice, because you will hear him regularly on the blog. He has accepted the mission to create Greyhound 2.0--citius, altius, fortius. In MIKI’s words:
(**begin Eastern European accent**)
“Vee test, und see your veekneesses, yesss? . . . .Then, I make plan. Not just triathlon plan. I make special.
“Test show you need powah. Vee make powah.
“You need . . . muhskoolah . . . endoorahnce . . . Vee make muhskoolah endoorahnce.
“Upper bahdeee endoorahnce . . . ees (shrug) pretty goooot.
“Max pull ups, und dips . . . ees not too goooooot. With short bahdee, und light veyt, should be much more.
“Vee check dee V-O-too maxeemum . . . ees (shrug) OK. Vee make bettah.
“Yore bahdee fat. 9%. Eees Excellent . . . .”
(I smile)
“BAHT, . . . . ees NOT . . . COM-PET-IT-TIVE.
(I cease smiling)
“Vee make you . . . TOTAL . . . ATHLETE.”
We begin 0500 this Friday. This is gonna leave a mark.
