Friday, October 20, 2006

C-R-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-C-K

In our last episode, of course, Nytro was taking the most widely published, lycra-clad bootay on the internet and sitting it on my dome while she jammed an ice pick into my neck, my right shoulder, oh and my right elbow and then my right forearm.

She's deperate that way--win at all costs--you know the type--older jock trying to recapture the long lost glory days. Anyway, I digress.

Yesterday and today, I went to the greatest intergalactice team of sports therapists and chiros in the known universe for help. The intergalactic chiros work on lots of the pro athletes in town, and even fly out to help their former patients who have gone on to other teams. But this is what sold me. They had a shadowbox on the wall with a patient's Ironman Arizona race number, finisher's medal, finishing photo and finisher's t-shrt on the wall. If an Ironman gives up that kind of bling to his chiro, sign me up.
So apparently I'm completely out of balance, bound up inside myself, and more tightly wound than a superconducting supercollider. Type A lawyer? Summa Cum Laude Law Nerd? Whodathunkit? It was the first ever time I have ever had "work done," and it was pretty strenuous. I was drenched in sweat, completely flushed, and wrung out. I had all sorts of freaky tensions and knots and imbalances from 40 years of extreme nerdiness and 5 years of middle aged endurance sport. But I gotta say . . .
I.FEEL.BETTER.
In fact, I don't believe how much better I feel. I'm not 100%, but I think I can deal. I am going back Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to get as fixed as I can get before I have to leave town. And the good news is that my x-rays show nothing that puts me on the sideline for Ironman Wisconsin--which makes even Nytro seem a bit insignificant--if that is possible.
So, Nytro . . . .
IT.
IS.
SOOOOOOOOOO . . . . . . . . . .
ON!
Live in fear, sistah.

7 comments:

TriBoomer said...

Letterman's "Top 10 Signs You've Gone to a Bad Chiropractor"

10. When you walk, you make a wacky accordion sound.

9. Keeps saying, "A spine is like a box of chocolates."

8. Repeatedly asks, "You a cop? You sure you aint' no cop?"

7. Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by, "Uh-oh."

6. There's a two-drink minimum.

5. At end of session, lies down on the table and says, "My turn!"

4. He was nowhere near Woodstock and yet he's covered with mud.

3. Rushes in late to your appointment still wearing his Burger King uniform.

2. Hints that for an extra $50, he'll "straighten" something else.

1. You're fully clothed and he's naked.

Stay tuned...

JohnnyTri said...

Hey I use #1 and 5! Too funny!
Good to hear your spine is intact GreyHound. told you ol Dr. H could help you out. (one day I'll be that good too)
Rockon` Bro

Nytro said...

there goes my theory that your a spineless son of a motherless goat. (god bless the three amigos)

Iron Benny said...

i'm working on my master's degree and can say without a doubt that CLEARLY, you are not the invertabrate Nytro has led me to believe.

to be fair, i don't have the master's degree yet, but i slept at a holiday inn last night.

Flatman said...

Glad you are feeling better!

Kick her ass, seabass!

Bolder said...

triboomer, thanks for the laugh!

t-hound, i've changed my mind again, my money is back on you.

Iron Pol said...

I'm not a big fan of chiropractors ("prac" is to close to quack and crack). I do, however, see an DO (doctor of osteopathy) as my primary physician.

Using osteopathic manipulative therapy (say chiropractics?), he worked wonders on my pelvic torsion. And he makes sure I'm in good alignment whenever I see him. He knows the stress I put my body through.