Friday, September 29, 2006

A Spherical, Frictionless Chicken

So, based upon Nytro's shot across my bow, I am apparently supposed to concede two things: (1) well, how exactly do I say this without being unseemly about an ironman's wife . . . let's just say . . . lycra is flattering to her assets, and (2) I have chutzpah . . . or as she put it, "great big hot wasabi balls."
Both will I graciously concede. My big, hot huevos are usually not the subject of polite commentary, but whatever. Nytro tends to redefine everything, including polite commentary, and I concede their weighty profundity. As for any commentary about how va va voom the former Athena is becoming, that would be tacky. So I will not wax eloquent, as it would be so obviously easy to do, about the shapely Nytro's lycra clad . . . um . . . **cough**, . . . .
What were we talking about?
Anyway, I thought I would look at the physics of this SOMA experiment. Brett of the Zentri Army recently noted the joke about physicists. You begin any experiment in physics completely divorced from reality: "Assume a spherical, frictionless chicken." Let's apply the logic to SOMA, shall we?
If Nytro were a spherical, frictionless chicken, at 169 poundaroos and clad in her fetching lycra, she would need over 31 million foot/pounds of force to propel her the 185,328 feet in her half of a half that she is racing. To be precise, she would need 31,320,432 foot pounds of force.
If Greyhound were a spherical, frictionless chicken, at 143 extremely taut and ripped poundaroos and clad in his team kit, Greyhound will need over 53 million foot/pounds of foce to propel me the sly dog the 370,656 feet in SOMA half--the longest event offered on the day. To be precise, Greyhound needs 53,003,808 foot/pounds at his disposal.
This is where it gets interesting. With friction as a constant, I only need to use 84% of the power that Nytro uses to maintain the same velocity. As svelt as Nytro is at 169 poundaroos and at 9 feet tall, I am only 84% of her 169 poundaroos and approximately half her height apparently.
If I add friction into the chicken equation, I would have to start comparing swimming efficiency in a medium that is denser than air, and talking about aerodynamics on the bike and stide efficiencies on the run as a function of weight. It might devolve into comparing body shapes and name calling, which of course would be unseemly, even in a "salad dressing."
But . . . . . it comes down to the run. Ah, there's the rub. That is a matter of heart in addition to the percentage of VO2 max or lactate threshold required to get to the run. Even putting out 84% of the power, will the mighty Greyhound run like the mighty Greyhound after mile 60 of the race? Or instead, will he get his neck wrung like a middle-aged, spherical, fritionless chicken?
Cluck.
Cluck.

13 comments:

Comm's said...

a spherical, frictionless chicken?

Brother I will find a way to put that into conversation today. Its a personal mission.

Iron Pol said...

See, now with all the firepower being brought to bear, I've completely forgot what the actual competition entails.

Does Nytro just have to beat your time? Or does she have to halve your time?

If she wears a chicken suit, does she get a handicap? If you go spherical (in a Violet Beauregarde sort of way) will you count as a bouy in the swim? So many possibilities, so few answers...

Nytro said...

see? now THAT'S the kind of smack talk I'm talkin' about, Greyhound. DAMN! from now on, that's how you blog. THAT'S HOW YOU BLOG!!!!!!!!

I will have a response to this whole chicken before the lycra question this weekend. It's clear that I have met my match in one very feisty supreme-court-arguing-91%-fat-free-big-word- like-spherical-and-frictionless-using- tri-blogger.

in the words of tri-boomer: stay tuned.

this is gonna get good.

Flatman said...

I love this.

stronger said...

That was a mouthful and all I had to do was read it. My calculator doesn't go that high. I'm tempted to say "Shut up and just race" but...never mind- this exchange is too much fun.

Ironpol- I totally got your Violet reference. Yeah moms and dads!

21st Century Mom said...

I got the reference to Violet Beauregard a lot faster than I got the spherical chicken physics.

In the end the theory is immaterial - what counts are results!

Let the games begin.... (like they haven't already!)

Veeg said...

Y'all are theeeee funniest throw-downers EVAH!

Taconite Boy said...

wow...I am totally lost

Bolder said...

now, i know how people felt about my p-dawg leader...

this bet has gone to the birds!

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

a spherical frictionless chicken...sigh...I love it when you talk all science geeky...

Scott said...

This is way too much fun...

Geek Girl said...

spherical, frictionless chicken. I'm a science teacher, and thought I'd heard it all.
I'll see you both there. I will, of course, expect you to be wearing a glove on your head, in manner of Howie Mandel.

TriBoomer said...

Looks like somebody at the end of this is gonna eat some spherical, frictionless crow!

Grab your tobasco sauce and as always,

stay tuned...