!!PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!

This post deserves a parental warning, not least because of the new video at right, which comes off my marathon playlist. Even though I am running the Walt Disney World Marathon, there is nothing G-Rated about the way I struggle in the last 6 to 8 miles. I don’t think I can legitimately claim to have experienced speaking in tongues or being slain in the spirit while running, but I am quite positive that I have invented profanities in unknown languages as well as exercised all of the best naughty words in my native tongue.

Did you know that the same four letter words can be strung together as noun, adjective, adverb gerund, subject or predicate with almost no thought or effort? Who knew?

I have heard things like, “mind over matter: if you don’t mind, it don’t matter.” But notwithstanding all my fancy book learning, I am a mental midget with a low tolerance for pain and struggle---which immediately explains why I gravitated toward endurance sport as a middle-aged bespectacled bookworm. It also helps explain my “plan” (if you can call I it that) for this race.

I have gone sub-4 before, and I would have liked to PR, and I have a pace band for just such an occasion, but there are a lot of uncontrollable factors that may prevent it. Unlike an intimate little Ironman race, I’ll be doing this behemoth with 30,000 of my closest friends. The course will be crowded, and hostility at newbie marathoners blocking my path will suck the will to live right out of me if I obsess about the time. Likewise, the weather will be in excess of 80 degrees with humidity by finish time. Moreover, my owie is like a box of chocolates--you never know what you’re going to get when you stand upright in the morning. Let’s see, will today be general achiness or debilitating muscle spasms? (For reasons that will become obvious because of my playlist, and because I choose to believe (against all the objective proof) that a voodoo woman from Utah gave me this injury, my Owie shall heretofore be known as the Beyotch, as in “Crazy Beyotch” or “Cold Hard Beyotch” Don't be offended, I heart the voodoo woman and her Iron hubby.)

So, to wrap my mind around this race, I needed a goal that I can control, no matter what the conditions are. That goal is to run faster and smoother in the last 6 miles, with a good turnover and good form, rather than hobble in like I usually do. If that is a PR, super. If not, still super.

Still, the mental midget needs some assistance. I will have “Greyhound’s Little Helper” packed along in the event of a spinal cord incident, but even more important is the musical narcotic, which is designed with the pace goal in mind. Here again, PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Headphones are thankfully not prohibited at Disney, but I will not be listening to Mulan, Ariel or any of the other princesses. The marathon playlist begins with happy, optimistic music, mostly major keys, lots of instrumentals, designed to get me going, but control the pace for the first third or so of the race. The middle portion starts to transition more to the face melting variety, more minor keys, more guitars. The final portion will peel paint and shatter glass, and includes repeats of my favorite head banging, face melting music that Superpounce is not allowed to listen to.

Because I’m always fascinated by what other people listen to, I’ll reprint the playlist here so you can see what I mean. Feel free to comment on your favs whether or not they are on my list:

The Mission Begins (Band of Brothers Soundtrack--just as they are taking off for France, heavy on the French Horns!!)

Stars (Switchfoot)

Beethoven Symph No. 7 (Mvt. 1, Chicago Symphony, Solti cond.)

Beethoven Symph. No. 7 (Mvt. 4)

Where the Streets Have No Name (U2)

Citius, Altius, Fortius (Olympic music by John Williams)

Just the Girl (The Click Five)

Stand Up (Trapt)

Zombie Stomp (Ozzie Osbourne)

Going Under (Evanescence)

Man in the Box (Alice in Chains)

Cold Hard Bitch (Jet)

Dance Dance (Fall Out Boy)

Prefontaine Olympic Theme (John Williams again, used in the movie “Without Limits” about the life of Steve Prefontaine)

R30 Overture (Rush, Canada’s best export other than Bolder from Boulder and Kona Shelley)

Inside of You (Hoobastank--Something tells me this song is not about getting to know her mentally)

Crazy Bitch (Buckcherry--[explicit]--you’ll see this again later)

Without a Fight (Hoobastank)

Enter Sandman (Metallica--another recurring theme)

Animals (Nickelback--it’s getting awfully explicit in here)

Closer (Nine Inch Nails--[explicit]--continuing the animal theme)

Hot for Teacher (Van Halen)

Are you Gonna Be My Girl (Jet)

Lonely Nation (Switchfoot)

Pain (Three Day’s Grace--finalist for the Greyhound Theme Song)

Riot (Three Day’s Grace--another finalist--GREAT rebellious lyrics and perfect turnover rhythm)

Slither (Velvet Revolver--gone are the happy songs now)

Evenflow (Pearl Jam)

Paradise City (Guns N’ Roses--so, no more Beethoven, I take it)

Cowboys from Hell (Pantera)

Battle with the Sith (Star Wars Episode I--constant propulsion)

American Idiot (Green Day)

Enter the Champions (More John Williams Olympic Music)

Welcome To Paradise (Green Day)

Panama (Van Halen)

Meant to Live (Switchfoot)

Closer (Nine Inch Nails--the really nasty songs start to come back)

Cold Hard Bitch (Jet--Again)

[FACE MELTING SONG OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN]

Tom Sawyer (Rush)

[FACE MELTING SONG OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN]

Crazy Bitch (Buckcherry--Again)

Enter Sandman (Metallica--Again)

Zombie Stomp (Ozzie--Again)

Riot (3DG--Again)

Pain (3DG--Again)

Closer (NIN--Again)

Riot (3DG--Again)

Slither (Velvet Revolver--Again)

Prefontaine Olympic Theme (John Williams--Again)

Cowboys from Hell (Pantera--Again)

I know, I know. You all thought Greyhound was a gentle, middle-aged father, and I am. But this is not exactly Disney princess music. Hopefully I’ll finish on one of my favorite songs, somewhere between Crazy Bitch and Cowboys from Hell.

!!SEE YOU IN THE MEDICAL TENT!!