Tuesday, May 23, 2006

You Might Be A Triathlete (Part Deux)

The blogosphere is filled with positive affirmations about the benefits of multisport training and racing. I, too, have touted those benefits and experienced them myself. Even so, gentle reader, there are physical and psychological dangers involved. Be warned and look for the telltale signs of Accute Agregrouper Triathlonitis ("AAT").

You might have AAT if:

1. You go to bed, falling dead asleep, at the same time as a small child, often in the middle of a sentence spoken to or by your spouse.

2. You rise before any dairy farmer would accept being roused from his bed.

3. You find neoprene irresistably sexy (i.e., neoprene fetishism disorder).

4. You have been trying to improve on your change from athletic gear into business attire at your gym (i.e., T3 Compulsive Disorder)

5. Your blog life is so active that your spouse believes that you are either in a dungeons and dragons online friends community, or have taken up "lifestyle" pursuits (i.e., "WAYDD", or "'What Are You Doing' Disorder").

6. Moderate to severe marital strife has developed over your ability to consume mass quantities of beer and oreos, and yet still lose weight ("I hate you, get out of my face, you suck" yaddah yaddah).

7. Your increased confidence induces irrational feats of daring do (e.g., Xterra Mountain Biking) to impress the tri-chicas (e.g., a pro tri-Diva who calls you by your online name, ahem, Kahuna).

8. Moderate to severe marital strife periodically occurs over gender- atypical, two-day razor stubble.

9. It seems rational to you that your car is paid for, but your endurox, tri-bike, wetsuit, and Garmin monitor are bought on credit.

10. You have Garmin charts of your work day, the better to calculate your calorie load in conjunction with your resting metabolic rate.

I'm sure there are others. Assist your brothers and sisters in identifying and protecting yourselves from the dangers of AAT.

7 comments:

Curly Su said...

Funny! I think I'm safe for the time being...I'm on the lookout for these telltale signs though...

Eric said...

I didn't fare as well as Curly su. I've come down with several of your warning signs.

Jessi said...

I'm also afflicted. Except that I wish my car was paid for!

jessie_tri_mn said...

Hey there, thanks for visiting!

What do you mean? Neoprene isn't considered irresistably sexy to the masses?

Nice truisms...Although we tri girls generally don't let the two day stubble appear. We must look good in our Speedo's afterall :)

Iron Pol said...

First, I finally got around to adding you, my blog twin, to my list.

Second, those are pretty funny. I've been REALLY fighting just going out and buying a bike, as I don't have the cash. I also struggle with the fact that, given a choice, I would spend more on that then I'm willing to spend to replace every window in my house.

Iron Pol said...

By the way, here's one you forgot.

You check your TriBlogFamily blogs before your e-mail when you get to work.

Spence said...

These are hilarious!! I'm totally guilty of #1... I turn into a pumkin after about 8:45 pm...