Six Days: You Might Be Tapering If . . .

You might be tapering if:

1. Everything hurts. Everything. Feet--from the little bony parts to the stiff plantar fascia parts. Shins. Knees. Quads. Ass. Groin. . . . . Teeth. . . . . Eyelashes.
   
2. Your hypochondria knows no bounds--to the extent that you can't tell what part of the pain is real, what is psychosomatic, and you think you feel a sinus infection coming on but refuse to go to the doctor for fear that he'll confirm your worst fears.
3. It could be a tumor.
   
4. You feel like a cripple getting out of bed every morning and groan so loud you get "shushed" by your spouse.
5. It takes you 40 minutes of running before you even warm up enough to feel like you have a stride and can breathe normally. You wonder why anyone would run six miles and then order a side of 20 to go with it.
   
6. Doing your pre-load scrub of carbs from your diet makes you crave them even more--you want a carb so bad it would be justifiable homicide to shove a child into traffic for their bag of pretzels.
7. YOU'RE NOT SHOUTING!!!
8. You keep track of your pee color and your salt intake.
9. You're not crying, you just got something in your eye.
10. You dream of running someone down and ripping their legs off in the last 400 meters of a 42 kilometer race.

This is healthy, non?