TO: Lower Muscular-skeletal System
FROM: Management (Brain, Heart and Spirit)
RE: Persistent System Failures
DATE: February 8, 2008
As the Greyhound nears the end of base period, management feels the need to evaluate the performance of the various parts of this Ironman effort and to address what management feels are weak links in the chain. That evaluation has been performed and the purpose of this memorandum is to inform you of certain deficiencies that management feels must be remedied.
Management is of the opinion that the physical plant of the lower, left side has not been performing in a satisfactory manner. Management is of the considered opinion that demands upon the system have not be excessive. On the contrary, appropriate amounts of stress have been followed with appropriate amounts of rest, recovery and nutrition. Nevertheless, the lower left part of the Greyhound has been in a persistent state of complaint and now of failure.
Before the Ironman program began, it was the upper hamstring, otherwise known as the ass. Then, the hamstring proper and the calf on the left side. Now, perhaps as a result of strength training and quality run workouts, it is the connective tissue around the left hip that is refusing to perform as required. Such refusals can no longer be tolerated.
The vision of management is a youth-oriented program. As a result, spirit and heart are performing like that of a man in his mid-to-upper twenties. Not to be outdone, the mind appears to have regressed somewhat past the point of a college sophomore. (This is not altogether positive, in that such a mind dwells all to often on boobies and beer, but this shortcoming will be addressed by management at the proper time and place.)
The body, however, apparently did not receive the memo, because the left side in particular appears content with the standards one would expect of a senior citizen with a handicapped parking sticker. For the record, Greyhound likes to run, and it is the considered opinion of management that pool running and elliptical training sucks donkey balls.
Enough with the drama. There will be no prizes for overcoming injury, and the Greyhound does not seek to be considered as a "challenged" athlete. We expect all systems to perform with reasonable success when placed under reasonable demands.
And lest you be taking solace from the recent strike of unionized writers, please be reminded that this neither a democracy nor a union shop. Units of capital who chose to perform as expected will be rewarded. Those who do not, will receive the economic disincentives inherent in their free choices as market participants.
We are going to Ironman in June and you are coming. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You have one recovery week to figure out which way it is going to be.