Monday, February 25, 2008

Suburban Moms Gone Wild or the Near Death Of A Former Ironman

Often times, my Sunday post to wrap up a training week will be entitled, "Whiskey and Chocolate," two rewards for a week well lived, or at least well-trained. This Sunday, I only had the energy to drink, not to post.

This weekend, some adjustments in the training schedule were necessary. Why? Because I was the officer of the watch, the only parent on deck.

Mrs. Greyhound was away with all of her mom friends at a scrap booking retreat. Supposedly, this involves a bunch of middle-aged suburban moms sitting around all weekend eating junk food, drinking wine, and "making memories" in their elaborate scrapbooks (read talking crap about their husbands).

I suspect it involves mojitos and naked pillow fights. She denies this, but methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Anyway, if you are officer of the watch, and your "men" are a solitary, ten-year-old daughter, you can't exactly take off all day to drive out and do a four hour bike ride in the country. And yet Coach Book said to ride four hours, and I try to meet or exceed the expectations of Coach Book.

So, on the most BEEEE YOUUUUUU TEEE FULLL cycling weekend ever in South Texas, I was forced to spend three hours of quality time with Coach Troy on the trainer in my garage, beginning at 0415, doing the "tough love" spinervals session.

Yeah. I know. Joy.

The production values were OK, I guess. The music sounded like a combination of the background music on the Weather Channel and what I imagine would be in high budget porn: unrecognizable, exciting in only an artificial way, nearly all electronic, and musically bereft of content. Would it kill you to get the rights to use some face melting pop or rock tunes?

Now I know why they have the option to turn off the music, an option that I will use next time and plug in my ipod to control my own tunage.

That said the workout was hard and effective and passed the time. By the middle of the second hour, I was starting to see things, and I'm pretty sure that Terri, the triathlete on the back row of the DVD cyclists, was making eye contact.

She was totally into me.

But by the end of three hours , I was afraid that Bruce, the triathlete in the front row, was also getting fresh.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So, I spent one manly hour of quality time with the "King Arthur" DVD, spinning out the legs at low zone two while watching hewn limbs and severed heads. And I'm certain by the end of hour four, Keira Knightly was totally giving me the look.

Maybe it was the caffeinated gels.

Coach Troy says that 3 hours on the trainer is equal to four hours on the road. Well, in order to do my dad duties, I spent four hours on the trainer, then added in a recovery run Saturday, 14 miles running Sunday and a long swim of 3100 yards.

By the time Mrs. Greyhound got home, I was unable to tell whether she gave me the look or not. I am still spent.

I am still not altogether sure that last year's Ironman still lives here.


Fe-lady said...

This was great! Terri and Bruce giving you the "eye" from a DVD-too much!
Cheers! (*clink*) for a great workout!

And for the record...single parents have been known to "do" triathlons. They just have to be a little creative about their training....

stronger said...

I agree- Coach Troy coaches best on mute!

monica said...

considering you're the guy who rocks an ac/dc jersey, i can see where you'd need more of a rock out than the casio keyboard productions of these dvds. i can totally relate. i'm a total music snob. i'll stick with my ipod thanks!!!

i bet that ironman still lives at your crib. you're just gettin' started with plenty of time to wake him up.

Spokane Al said...

You must have had a tough ride. On my Tough Love DVD Terry is next to Bruce in the front row.

For those of us up here still in the depths of winter, we spend many, many hours together with Coach Troy and his group . So please forgive me if I am unable to feel your pain.

Rainmaker said...

Awesome, I had the same 'Coach Book' last year. Never disappoint Coach Book - cause otherwise it will hurt when Coach Book gives you the following weeks workout.

Nicely done on the indoor workout.

Brent Buckner said...

I just don't have the Coach Troy spirit for a long trainer spin. TV on DVD for me.

Endurance comes back more quickly than it took to build the first time. Follow the path... it'll get you there.

Matt said...

Missing the weather is tough, but it sounds like you still got some quality miles in. Great workout.

21stCenturyMom said...

Oh that Coach Troy and his wiley band of flirters. There is one DVD where a woman with very insufficient support is shown repeatedly - you should get that one!

I also rode to Coach Troy on Sunday along with 3 other women and we spent a fair amount of time commenting on the music - they were not positive comments.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

we had a wussy weekend here and also rode indoors - I split up my indoor riding, which I'm told it's OK to do - and watched Kona (Normann spewing on his bike) for an hour, and then 2 hrs of spin class, which is only slightly more interesting than coach troy. Watching Normann spewing did get my heartrate up much more effectively, but I suppose there are only so many times you can watch that before you want to spew yourself.

Ah, single parenthood. Such rewarding experiences...mostly...

IronJenny said...

Aw... Greyhound had to ride indoors one day in February??? Hang on, let me get my violin tuned.
Between you and Bigun touting the benefits of your year-round outdoor-training-centers while we in the tundra experienced two (2!!!) days this month where the low was above zero.... I only wish I could offer a condolence!;-)
Kudos to Mrs G for getting to go to the scrapbooking weekend! I LOVE those! How many pages did she get done? Naked pillow fights? That only the start of it!!
(tee-hee. wouldn't you like to know.)

p.s. - nice job on all that milage!

AGA said...

Wow, impressive work this weekend. Loved the recap:)

Supalinds said...

Oh the music on the spinervals are unbearable. Mute is best though I always forget it is on and get stuck in an inteval for too long. Have you tried the century spinerval yet?? 5 hours of coach Troy...ughhh.

Um, trainer rides are frequent in the land of Utah. Though I never experience peolpe gettin fresh w/ me, it's a darn shame.

That is one hell of a weekend!!

Bigun said...

Last years' Ironman still lives in your house...who do you think Mrs Greyhound gave the look to?

Bolder said...

i got tired just reading this.

had to lie down.

no Ironman in the HABC either!

Nytro said...

well, there are no naked pillow fights, but there are a lot of mojitos consumed.

i speak from first hand experience.

Lana said...

Dammit that's some serious workouts. Ofcourse the Ironman still lives there - only an Ironman could get all that done while serving as officer of the watch. Great job Greyhound!!

kushal said...

Now, I can't sympathize with scrap-booking retreats and being officer on the watch, but mind-bending delirium and caffeinated gels? Yeah, totally there. Your blog is just hilarious -- I spent a good hour reading through your archives. Great stuff.

Kim said...

can you introduce me to coach troy? i think its time someone gives me a lustfilled look while im sweating like a whore in church when im on the bike!

KCWoodhead said...

Can Mrs. Greyhound work on my scrapbook while I'm out training? I can't seem to do in Austin '05 is the last race in my so-called scrapbook.

CoachLiz said...

Tell Mrs. Greyhound that does a great job of taking your pictures and comments and making the scrapbook for your and only for $35!!!

Greyt job man!

IronMatron said...

Why does the husband always believe that the wives want to do things like drink mojitos and have naked pillow fights? Dream on, man! You were right the first time. We drink wine and bitch about YOU. :)
Those long trainer rides make you mentally tougher. Way to get it all in even though you were a single parent for the weekend...