Wednesday, February 13, 2008

41 Year-Old Virgin

Do not be deceived, gentle reader. The Greyhound is not the Alan Alda-esque, sentimental softy that you might think. He is a cynic--a cold-blooded, dispassionate, jaded cynic who has no use for fakey Hallmark holidays like Valentine's Day. That's why I give you this present for Valentine's day from the bottom of the dark and empty pit where my heart would otherwise be:

[Video of "Love Stinks" removed to quieten down the blog again]

How'm I doin'?

Didja believe me?

Not buyin' it huh?

OK, so don't tell, but Superpounce and Mrs. Greyhound are getting Valentine's Day presents after all. They will each receive Pajamagrams with handwritten notes from the man of the house.

Uhm, that's me.

Then of course, there's a further gift that only Mrs. Greyhound will enjoy. The oh-so-smooth silkiness of Greyhound's new legs--sans hair pants. As racing season approaches here in the south, I decided to clean up my act and get smooth again, but not by stealing my wife's razor, like some triathletes. Indeed. Mrs. Greyhound is not down with shaving because of all the pricklies.

So, I went for a manly waxing. My first ever. Maybe my last. We'll see.

Legs only, mind you. I did not invoke the name of Kelly Clarkson even once, and I didn't cry.


I know, no pictures means it didn't happen, but you'll have to visit Steve in a Speedo if you're that kind of sicko. Believe me, it DID happen.

I hope she likes it . . . when the swelling goes down.


KCWoodhead said...

Can you come to my house? I HATE valentines...and unfortunately it happens to be my birthday too.

Pajamagrams are awesome - you are such a great husband/father! My sister sent me one for my bday 2 years ago.

21stCenturyMom said...

"I did not invoke the name of Kelly Clarkson even once, and I didn't cry." I would expect no less from MR. HTFU, himself.

ps - that made me snort a little.

Tammy said...

HATE Valentine's Day. Even when I'm in a relationship... it's all so contrived and forced. I'd rather get gifts "just because" when someone is thinking of me... not because they are expected to.

That being said, waxing is a great present! Well done. :)

Unknown said...

so as i was reading this.... i actually blurted out to benny:

"greyhound waxed his legs!"

to which he replied:

"what. the. fuck?"

thank you for bringing that into our lives!

Bigun said...

your metro meter just pegged!

Supalinds said...

Waxing, so very sweet of you :) and manly I might add.

Sascha said...

Waxing is the best! And it has the added bonus of making you stubble-free when it grows back in. A gift any girl would appreciate.

monica said...

you are brave for sure. vaya con dios, my brother....

Tea said...

my husband wanted to try it but he's not a triathlete...

maybe I shouldn't have said that...