Friday, July 07, 2006

Triathletes Gone Wild

I know it may be hard to believe, but with triathlon, as with most things, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. There are some signs of profound triathlon addiction that very clearly signal that you need some balance in your life. Primarily, they are behaviors that are meant to signal, "if you ain't a triathlete, you ain't [expletive deleted}." These behaviors are thought to be particularly prevalent at Ironman events, and some were actually observed by me and members of my group at the Buffalo Springs Lake Ironman 70.3 race.

If you notice any of these behaviors, you might consider taking up some additional hobbies, maybe scrap booking or stamp collecting.

1. Wearing spandex around the hotel and the expo, just because you look good in tight fitting clothing.

2. Vanity plates that say "IRNMN" or "140.6" or some such iteration.

3. Standing on your hotel balcony after the race in your tri shorts for purposes of baring your shaved torso to the adoring public. (Note, said tri shorts showed no salt stains and it is believed that the perpetrators involved showered and changed into fresh gear solely for purposes of the shaved-torso-strut.

Other warning signs would be:

Having the M-dot monogrammed on your business attire.

Wearing Ironman race t-shirt almost anywhere other than to do household chores or maybe to a triathlon club meeting

Wearing your Ironman finisher's medal at any time after taking your race gear off--especially in lieu of a tie. (Sersly, give it to your kids to play with or put it in a shadow box or something.)

Seriously considering having an M-dot tatooed somewhere that would be visible while wearing business attire (back of hand, both cheeks, center of forehead, etc.)

Insisting that your business colleagues call you "Iron Mike" or "Tri-Dude" etc.

M-dot bumper stickers

This sport and its positive self-image are potentially dangerous and addicting. Men. Women. Don't let this happen to you.


Shelley said...

I fall into several of these catagories...i'm sick and I need help...ackkkkkkkk

Veeg said...


The real question is, did you or any members of your group actually ENGAGE in any of the behaviors? ;)

Flatman said...

Tattoos on both cheeks wouldn't be visible while wearing business attire....


21st Century Mom said...

You forgot going out for coffee in your 'Body by Triathlon' t-shirt.

Habeela said...

I always knew I had a borderline addictive personality and this just proves it.

Iron Pol said...

The Ironman tatoo is the really scary one. Some triathlon (even Ironman distance) related tatoo, maybe. But the M-dot thing is a logo. When was the last time you saw somebody with a Nike swoosh tatoo, or the Microsoft logo. "Man, I am so AWESOME at Microsoft Office, I decided to get the MS Logo tatooed on my arm."

Nytro said...

okay... THAT, my friend, is why i stalk your blog.

well done.

Nytro said...

quick question, though. when is it appropriate to wear our ironman cd'A volunteer shirts?

Comm's said...

After reading your "you might be a triathlete post" I think i have or will pretty much break close to all those by the end of this year. Yeah pretty much, maybe give me through IMAZ next April to get them all though