Monday, August 24, 2009

Just Another Weekend In Paradise

The weather man is a tool of the devil sent to torment Houstonians into a false sense of hope.

We were told that Friday's thunderstorms would give way to drier and cooler air -- a decent weekend for outdoor training.

A cruel hoax, that was.

A lie.

It was almost 80 when the sun came up on Saturday. Mold spores were heard to complain about the mugginess of the conditions. By the end of the day it was in the 100s.

Sunday was even warmer and even more humid. I went for a wee bit of a run and nearly killed two Austinites who were foolhardy enough to attempt a long run in our fair city.

I have lived here for 15 years now, and this is the worst I have ever seen it. You can't even escape the swelter by becoming a vampire and training completely in the dark. You need F-ING GILLS and a respirator to filter oxygen from this putrid, pollution-choked, butylene/toluene/ethylene/xylene-infested, particulate-laden liquid atmosphere.

BWAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHGHGHGHGHGHG!~!!!!!

No wonder we waddle from our air conditioned houses to our air conditioned cars park in air conditioned garages and take elevators to air conditioned tunnels to our air conditioned offices and thence waddle our air conditioned route back home.

Except if the escalator is not moving, in which case rather than climb one flight of air conditioned stairs we stare dumbfounded and blink three times before waddling our air conditioned arses to the freight elevator.

I need a hug.

8 comments:

21stCenturyMom said...

No - you need to move. Your environs no longer suit your lifestyle. Too bad about that partner thing. Go to Austin and hang out a shingle. You'll be happier!

Tiny Frog said...

this evening most at kw were talking how great it was that it was cloudy. ha! all that meant was that we basically swam hills today. seriously. it was brutal as hell. literally and figuratively, whichever word is right..

Tiny Frog said...

oh and that was my post in case you dont know my blogger name.

Junebug

Curly Su said...

dude. move to philly.

Wendy said...

HUG.

Kim said...

i hear boston is gorgeous in the winter ;) hugs hugs. kisses kisses.

Captain Cactus said...

Vancouver is beautiful right now. We'd welcome you to the northwest!

CoachLiz said...

I hear you brother! It is hot and humid here and frankly as much as it sucks...I LOVE IT!!! I will be so prepared for IMCZ! If I can handle these conditions, I can handle anything!

Whoo Hoo! Bring on the heat!!!