Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Vicodin and Mayonaise

Poor Superpounce. Don't tell her I let you know. She wanted us to tell her friend that she was grounded rather than let her know the truth. Superpounce has been quarantined from Oofy, the little stuffed dog she has slept with since I placed Oofy in her crib when she was a toddler.
Superpounce is quarantined because she contracted a case of head lice--and she would die if she knew that I let it out. She considers herself to be legitimately famous now that she is on the blog.
The over the counter treatment did not work, so we consulted a highly trained medical professional who recommended . . . .
Yep. Mayonaise in the hair, bound up in saran wrap for three hours then washed out. Worked like a charm. So much so, in fact, that Superpounce asked whether we could smother Oofy in mayo so that she could have her back tonight.
It was hard to make her understand that mayo would not work so well on a plush toy, especially one that is in danger of losing her stuffing and what's left of her loved-on fur if we wash her ever again. There is nothing for it except two weeks in a plastic bag to let any vermin die off.
"It's going to be a long two weeks," moaned Superpounce.
Indeed it is.
Would that mayonaise or even two weeks in a plastic bag could cure me. An MRI has confirmed that my neck owie is an actual slipped disc between C6 and C7. Highly trained medical professionals blow.
Slipped disc????? What am I some obese, deskbound office worker who throws his back out reaching over his paunch to tie his shoes? This is nuts! I refuse to have such an injury. I am not going to age like my parents. I am, after all, immortal. I'm an American, dammit. We are young and thin and strong, at least when we watch TV to escape the reality where we are all wadlding toward a BMI gomorrah of type II diabetes, heart disease and arthritis.
But my refusal to have this injury has not sufficed thus far. The injury refuses to listen. Vicodin helps. (It is also highly recommended for Thanksgiving and other large gatherings of extended family. Got to save some of the prescription for next year). I have been running. But I miss the pool. I miss the bike. And most of all I have a gnawing fear that I won't be ready.
I want to be at the start line of Ironman Wisconsin with a sound body and a confident mind. I know I'm blessed to be as healthy as I am, but that does not mute the little voice in my head reminding me that I am not where I want to be.
Now, where are those pills?


mishele k said...

That really sucks about your back. Enjoy your pills!

Don't worry about Wisconsin. You will be ready, and you will destroy the course. Just stay patient with your body and be ready to rock when it's time. We're all cheering for you (or silently willing you into the epitome of health)!

Wendy said...

So sorry to hear about SuperPounce's stowaways and your disc issue.

Do you have a wonderful physiotherapist on your crack healthcare team?

Bolder said...


you'll be ready.

the timing for this couldn't be better... better than say, September 8th!

kick back, rest up. you'll come back better and stronger!!

Iron Pol said...

For B-Boy, we made the mistake of only buying one of his favorite stuffed guy. Now, there are no more to be found.

We learned with Monster Girl. She has two of her favorites. One for use, the other for the future.

The disc thing is sort of a good news/bad news situation. It's bad that you have a slipped disc. It's bad you have to go through this at all. It is, however, good that it happened NOW and it is good that they finally identified the root cause.

Now, the healing can begin.

Habeela said...

Well, as much as it sucks, at least the problem is diagnosed and you know what it is. I guess I've never associated slipped disks with obesity but whatever.

The mayo cure to lice is awesome! Much better than the garlic one my friend had to use when we were overseas - 6 months after the treatment her boyfriend said she still smelled like garlic when she got her hair wet!

21st Century Mom said...

Sorry to hear about your neck but as others have said you have plenty of time to heal and train for your IM.

As for the lice - if you haven't taken a nit comb to her head you are in danger of another outbreak. Spritz her hair with vinegar and comb out each and every nit. Trust me - I went through head lice hell with my kids when they were little.

The ONLY OTC solution that is worth a try is NIX which is a cream rinse. It works pretty well unless she has super-lice which are immune to anything but mayo, eucalyputus oil and nit combs.

Veeg said...

Poor Superpounce, and poor you! :(

Anonymous said...

There was just a report on NPR ( on head lice and ways to get rid of them. It mentioned that lice cannot live apart from a human for more than a few hours. Perhaps Oofy doesn't have to be exhiled for two weeks after all.

Iron Benny said...

Slippage?! Holy crap legal beagle. What is the treatment for such an injury? How long did the doc say for recovery? And yes, highly trained medical professionals suck, especially when they come bearing the truth. Get well

M said...

Will you still make the Disney Marathon? We're only a few weeks away, now.

TriSaraTops said...

Poor Superpounce! :( I have a Teddy Bear, named "Teddy" (real original, I know) and I think if I was 5 or 6 and I had to quarentine him for 2 weeks I might. have. FREAKED.

You will be ready next worries my friend.

PS--great quote. Mia was and still is one of my all-time IDOLS.

Comm's said...

I do not know what Mighty Mo would do without his Dan Bear for two weeks. Inconsolable.

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