Wednesday, April 19, 2006

You Might Be A Triathlete If . . .

Spend any time at all on triathlon blogs (including this blog) and you will see a recurring theme: pensive wanderings about who am I, am I a "real" triathlete, can I accomplish my goals . . .

Triathlete-ocity is not an on or off kind of thing. It is more like a virus. It can be dormant, somewhat active, or in full blown rage throughout your body. I have developed a test that involves no bloodletting by which you can tell if you are a triathlete, and if so, how "bad" a case of triathlonitis you are carrying. I offer this as a public service.

You might be a triathlete, if:

1. You or your spouse have ever asked the question "Honey, does this wetsuit make me look fat?"

2. You use words like "hydrate" and "hydration" rather than "drink" or even "beverage."

3. You have referred to "breakfast" "lunch" or "dinner" as "nutrition" rather than "breakfast" "lunch" or "dinner."

4. You have ever calculated how many grams of carbohydrate or protein per kilogram of body weight are in that peanut butter sandwich. (Give yourself two points if you knew how many kilograms you weighed before starting the calculation.)

5. You and your spouse each have a special razor for shaving something other than your face.

6. You have ever thought about installing "yankz" on your dress shoes.

7. Your daughter has, at least once, referred to your swimming attire as "panties."

8. Your car always, or nearly always, contains a bike, a swim bag, and a run bag--just in case there is time to squeeze in an extra workout.

9. You have leaped off your spin bike at the end of class, yanked on running shoes and sprinted for the treadmill. (Give yourself two points if you either timed yourself in that interval, or if you referred to it, even in private, as T2).

10. You have strong feelings about the proper or best workout or recovery drink or gel. (Give yourself two points if you have ordered said condiment online and in bulk.)

11. Your heart rate elevates when you surf for bike porn and charts, and you surf for those instead of, well, . . . other stuff.

12. You insist that any list of the world's sexiest women is not complete absent Jessi Stensland, Mel McQuaid or Lindsay Benko. (Or, to give equal time, your heart goes pitter pat for Peter Reid, Norman Stadler, or Faris Al Sultan).

13. You comfortably use words like "Butt Butter" or "Frozen Beaver" in every day conversation without embarassment.

14. You have a tan line across your back from a heart monitor strap.

15. Your online friends have names that include terms like "Iron" or "Tri" or "Geek" (Give yourself two points if you already knew Iron Wil was a "girl").

16. When you leave the house, you not only have a briefcase, but also a transition bag and a food bag. (Give yourself 2 points if you also have a "special needs" bag and an additional point if you shower at home less than twice each week).

17. You know what GYGO stands for and pine for it at the end of every week.


Flatman said...

Oh man...these are great!!! I racked up several hundred points...what do I win?

Cliff said...

Frozen beaver :)...too funny.