Monday, April 13, 2009

BLARRRRRGH!



I can't swim 10x100m @ 1:55.

I can't. Not possible.

I can't follow that up with 6x 25m @35 and a 500m time trial.

Training Peaks can say it all day long, but it might as well say:

"Remove your own spleen and describe the procedure in the blue book that has been provided for you. You will find rubbing alcohol and a scalpel under your chair."

I tried my hardest. I can't.
I can't.
I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.

I'm condemned to the ignominy of greater than 2:00 per 100m and a transition area devoid of bikes.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

And all you swimmer kids can just STFU with your turning up your noses at a mere 2:00 per 100m. You people who warm up at 2:00 per hundred and swim an Ironman in an hour. PTUI!

I find it startlingly easy to play Chopin nocturnes or Beethoven slow movements on the piano. What's so hard about that? Didn't you take piano from your mummy from the age of 5?

And writing a 50 page brief with a 100 or so citations to authorities in a couple of days? Piece 'o cake. What? You find this complicated?

I guess you mighta' missed something staring at the black line on the bottom of the pool.

But I WANNA SWIM!~ WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And enough with the "technique technique technique"

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH

I TOOK lessons from Total Immersion. I glide. I float fine. I drill. But apparently I'M JUST FREAKIN' SLOW.

And I'm getting slower

And I gained a pound

And I fell asleep at my desk like an octegenarian

And I want to be 6'4" and look like Tom Selleck.

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH

12 comments:

Kim said...

booooof*$kinghooooooooooo

you CAN do it :)

Spokane Al said...

I hear you brother. And we both know that 2:00/100 is not a measure of our worth nor capability in life, although it sometimes seems that other, faster swimmers seem unable to grasp that concept.

However, as I get older, I am more and more comfortable in my own skin, and I never, ever stop trying, and that is what is important.

IronMatron said...

You don't want to look like Tom Selleck. He's not cute.
You're cuter, absolutely.

You are a strong athlete, so you CAN swim faster than that. Swimming is just like biking. To go faster you either need greater distance per stroke in your pull or a faster cadence. The technique you employ (or don't) will make all the difference in whether you will be able to improve those two things. Fuck Total Immersion. Makes you slow b/c of no emphasis on cadence and also on the power that is found in the front quadrant of the pull. Pay an expert to look at your stroke, analyze, video you.
Don't give up! Don't give up!

Tiggs said...

I love TI swimming! I am smooth and swim without blowing out my heart rate. If you wanna get faster, swim TI and get a tempo trainer.

Curly Su said...

haHAHAHAHAHA!

Sucks to be YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

At least you don't have to wear glasses...?

Fe-lady said...

It's Soooo nice to know that I can still do something better than you....(and also be more than 10 years older than you!)
Thanks! You made my day!
(cause I will never be a lawyer, or fast on the bike or run again...so I have to boost myself up somehow!)

All kidding aside-like I said.
Swimming is a SMALL part of tris so pleas quit beating yourself up!
And to make you feel better...I lost THREE places to faster cyclists/runners in my last race.

So there.

21stCenturyMom said...

Wow- people are mean!

I can swim 10 x 50 on the 1:00 but I seriously doubt I could swim 10 x 100 on the 1:55. Those people who swam as kids have different bodies than we do - I swear! I have no idea what the secret is but if you find it please be sure to share.

MisheleK said...

Question: who doesn't want to be 6'4" and look like Tom Selleck? That mustache is to die for.

The pool is only your demon if you make it that way. And besides, aren't you way faster than you used to be? You'll be doing sub-2:00/100m in practice soon enough. Now quit having a temper tantrum!

CoachLiz said...

If I knew what the secret was of fast swimming, I would have written a book and made millions by now. Yeah, I have been swimming and racing since I was a kid, but on my teams I was one of the slower one. I like the fact now that I am one of the faster swimmers in my age group.

Oh, and I did not mean to pull out the MC Hammer moves last Friday. I was just following Dutch. Seriously, I had no idea where I was going until we hit Magnolia High School.

Supalinds said...

Tom Sellick, nooooooooo!

You'll get there!! Just f%$@ing swim and don't worry about it. I think sometimes we get into our heads too much!

IronJenny said...

Oh, Kendall - you can't be good at EVERYTHING. Then nobody would like you.
xoxoxox
;-)
Jenny

Josh said...

Imagine how much more reach you would get if you were 6'4"... I think about that every time I get in the pool.

Sometimes it's not all about efficiency. Sometimes it's about being a monster and pulling every stroke like it's the last one of the biggest race of your life. About the snap of your legs and that impossible extra stretch of your lead arm, and that flick of the wrist at the end of a complete pull. Eventually it actually feels normal. Being a monster, that is.