Friday, December 05, 2008

I Kick Jason Bourne's Ass

This just in: Trigreyhound Kicks Jason Bourne's Ass.

It's true.

I can't deny it.

And it's not just because I'm takin' my girl on a tropical ,20th anniversary vacation to make hot, sweet lovin' with my new marathon-running-weight-lifter body.

As if Matt Damon could survive that comparison . . .

Nope. I just happened to notice a little blurb in Runners' World where Matt Damon ran a 10K as part of losing weight he gained for a role.

Gained for a role? Yeah, right. Me too. I ate all those Kolaches to play the role of middle aged office worker.

And a 10K? Just a 10K? Phhht. PUH-LEEEEZE. You should hardly call it a race if you're done before the morning coffee break. What? You just run 6 miles? Cute.

And get this. He ran it in just a few seconds shy of one hour. Fifty Nine minutes and forty some-odd seconds.

Phhhht. Is that what they call running in Hollywood?

Three years ago, I ran a 48 minute 10K PR. This year, at 42 years old instead of 39 years old, my 800 meter track workouts are now 15 to 20 seconds faster than they were the year of my marathon PR. Are you trying to tell me that deskbound, 42 year old Greyhound could finish the race, go out for a coffee and a shower before Jason Bourne saw the finishing line?

Matt, just have your people call my people and I'll arrange some coaching sessions--for running or anything else in the "man department" that you might need help with.

**I probably kick J-Lo's Ass in triathlon, too, which is a notable Kadunkadunk to be kicking. I'm just sayin'. **


**I really needed that little boost because I have one more super long run before some recovery, and I'm feeling like Punky Brewster could mop the floor with me right about now.***


Anonymous said...

Isn't it awesome to every once in a while realize that you are actually a REAL athlete - and you're NOT slow - and what's you're doing is AMAZING?!? :)

Danielle in Iowa in Ireland said...

Oh man, I could probably even beat Matt Damon! Granted I wouldn't have time for coffee after and would likely be sprinting by him at the end to win by mere seconds, but still.

Runner Leana said...

Woohoo! Not only am I faster than Katie Holmes, but I'm also faster than Matt Damon. That makes my day!

Trihardist said...

Psht. Matt Damon. Oh yeah, you could totally smoke his ass (after swimming and biking for an hour and a half, of course).

SixTwoThree said...

Poor Matt. He should have just hired a stunt double - even I ran faster than he did - in a complete Olympic distance tri. I'm hoping he's so embarrassed that he comes back next year much faster - cause I am a fan of his working - just not his running right now ;-)
The Mrs. is a lucky woman!!

Benson said...

Excellent dude!
You get major credits on your man card for this one.
Keep it up.

Kim said...

dude, hello ROCKSTAR!!!! mrs. bourne should be ripping your clothes off!

CoachLiz said...


We can kick Matt's butt together. Maybe we should change that Sarah Silverman song of "I've been F**king Matt Dammon" to "I've been Outrunning Matt Dammon".

Supalinds said...

I got distracted by that picture at the start of the post...I barely made it down the comment box. Now excuse me while I go back.

Oh and you could totally kick his ass!