Monday, March 10, 2008

Happy Birthday

The man is 68 years old today--the same age as my dad, which I find disturbing in the extreme. But, unlike my dad:

  1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
  3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
  4. Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's potato chip.
  5. Chuck Norris CAN sneeze with his eyes open.
  6. Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  9. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  11. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  12. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  13. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  15. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  16. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  17. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  18. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  19. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  20. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  21. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  22. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  23. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  24. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
  25. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
  26. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
**credit given to Chuck Norris Facts


Trisaratops said...

The chief export of Chuck Norris is PAIN.

Steve Stenzel said...

There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard. Just another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he's actually pushing the world down.

I LOVE THESE THINGS!! Happy b-day to Chuck!!

Fe-lady said...

Greyhound is a LEETLE bored on his day off???
(Or that windy bike ride really got to him yesterday!)

Tea said...

I heard that Chuck Norris's tears may cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Bolder said...


CoachLiz said...

The Total Gym is all you need because it is endorsed by CHUCK NORRIS...

ROTFLMAO! Great post!!!

Benson said...

Chuck is the best. Is he happy on his birthday or is the day happy that Chuck lets it exist?

Kim said...

i banged chuck norris last night. and i liked it.

shelek said...

Craig and I were just talking about what a badass (and dare I say-- wrinklyass?) Chuck Norris is. I still can't get over how old he is! And how did Huckabee lose the Republican nomination with Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley backing him up?

monica said...

but is chuck an IRONMAN?? that, my friend, is where YOU.TAKE.HIM.DOWN.