Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Irony Ironies

As I begin my third season in the multisport life, there are a number of odd and sometimes ironic I've noticed. Maybe you've noticed some of these too.

1. Can't stay awake in the daytime? Can't stay asleep when you're in bed? You might be a triathlete and you're probably a bit overtrained.

2. Locker rooms? Full of ironies. Men? Not exactly designed for aesthetic appeal. Women? Aesthetic masterpieces. And yet the girly locker room has (I am told) a separate dressing room for each shower, while the men's locker room is full of random, undesired, communal nakedness.

3. More on locker rooms? Plush locker rooms with puffy white towels. And yet the former athletes can't manage to put one around the waist and privatize the junk. Why do I say former athletes? Another irony. The inverse relationship between aesthetic merit and clothing.

Translation: the higher the BMI and the more body hair on a person, the more likely it is they will be buck naked. (This rule apparently holds true in locker rooms, on beaches, wild parties . . . .)

4. I have more gym bags than days of the week, my own locker, and the best locker room in town. So why is my car turning into a locker room complete with dirty socks, discarded clothing, bike helmet, shoes, bike, swim gear . . . and yet I'm a neat freak in the gym locker room.

5. Cars? More oddities. Are you unable to carry a small child in your car? They're not allowed to sit in the front seat because of the airbag. They can't sit in the back because the seats are folded down to transport your bike.

6. And Irony. Why is it that the more fit you are, the more crippled you feel getting up out of a car after a long drive? Do you look forward to a six hour bike and dread a six hour drive? You swim bike and run for 13 or 14 hours and yet would rather have your teeth drilled than be in the car for that long?

If your life is this odd or ironic, you're probably a triathlete.

17 comments:

Iron Benny said...

Great post g hound. Sadly, your naked irony is true. Actually, it's all true. This weekend, I'm going to drive five hours so I can ride for two. How wierd is that? But in my defense, I haven't ridden on the road in over four months. I NEED me some road time, even if it means driving for five hours.

Oh, one more thing. I can't agree with you more on the gym bag thing. I've tried desperately to find a one bag solution. No such luck. Seriously, I want one bag that will handle all my needs and require little packing and unpacking every morning or night. But for now, I'll have to settle for my man purse, messenger bag, and gym bag. I feel like a freakin' mailman when I walk out of the house in the morning. In other words, I feel you pain.

IM Able said...

screw the healthcare system...i say PRIVATIZE AND JUNK!

Rainmaker said...

So true... I was thinking similiar thoughts tonight in the locker room when two 60+ dudes at 250-300lbs each decided to do a fashion show catwalk up and down the locker room. And the junk was not covered up. Less than ideal.

tri-mama said...

sadly, I've seen more wrinkled butts then a nurse in a retirement home- I hope this counts for penance for something- Unfortunately no separate suites for dressing at the Y

Liam O'Connell said...

that is hilarious

so true, nothing but hairy ass at the gym

great post

Allez said...

Good list :-) I was thinking the locker room thing just the other day when an older, droopy, not well-groomed woman was walking around naked. Yuck. Don't need to see that!!!

Kim said...

do you look at the men's junk when you shower? im just asking.

Jane said...

Images of fat, hairy, naked, old men - this constitutes torture I think.

supalinds said...

We surely do have private rooms with each shower in my locker room, the irony...only fit triathletes actually use them :)

When I think of taking a road trip I often try to find ways to bike there. How long will it take, if it is only double it is worth it to bike rather than sit in a stupid car...who needs an invention like a car when triathletes would rather revert back to the old days.

The bags...suck. My swimming bag isn't big enough, my gym bag is too big, and my crap ends up all over my car anyways.

Sometimes I wonder why I even shower...I shower in the morning, workout at lunch, clean up, workout after work and shower again...ughhhh.

The life of a triathlete.

Nytro said...

well... the BMI naked corrolation? applies to the women's locker room, too.

Tri-Dummy said...

true, true, true,

...and I would like to add wrinkly old guys to the list of random unnecessary nakedness.

Speed Racer said...

The locker room ones are HILARIOUS. The attractiveness-to-towel ratio is the same in women's locker rooms too, unfortunately. More fat, age, and yes, body hair, and they're more likely to be naked. Yuck.

KCWoodhead said...

I'm kind of at a loss for words on this one!

Fe-lady said...

I throw everything into my TYR tri. backpack-but depending on what I am doing that day, the rest is just kinda sitting on my bedroom floor where the bag normally is...so don't do as I do.
My locker room is butt to butt dressing...the more modest choose to change in the toilet stalls. I think the modesty thing is in direct proportion to age-older people don't give a hoot anymore and prance around, and the younger ones are always covered up. Shouldn't be that way, but that's the way it happens at my gym!

IronMatron said...

How about the irony that when we were young and able to take on the world athletically we were swilling beer, staying up late and getting fat, and now, nearing 40,we have found our "athletic" selves? Maybe that's not ironic. Maybe that's just sad.
;)

TriBoomer said...

My gym's locker room needs a sign that reads, "Don't be a chump, cover your stump."

Stay tuned...

TriShannon said...

My jeep is a total locker. Yoga mat, towels, water bottles, random snacks, trainer, shoes, you name it.

And, these knees can handle hours of biking, but a car ride, or sitting through a movie or plane ride... torture!

Nice list!